Text 4135, 144 rader
Skriven 2006-05-07 16:38:23 av Robert E Starr JR (3052.funny)
   Kommentar till text 4134 av George Pope (1:153/715.1275)
Ärende: George Pope
===================
  Re: George Pope
  By: George Pope to Robert E Starr JR on Sun May 07 2006 09:02 am

 >  RE>  > Understandable -- where are you?  someplace somewhat remote?
 >  RE>  >
 >  RE> Cougar, Washington (to find it look up mt. st. helens and then look
 >  RE> south but
 >  RE> don't pass yale lake)
 > 
 > Oh come ON, mate!  You must know SOMETHING funny you can share with us
 > in here, where the ONLY real rule is that EVERY posting must have
 > something funny in it!
 > 
 > You wouldn't want my Echo Elves<tm> to get over-enthusiastic & use the
 > hacking software I commissioned from the US DND to get into your BBS
 > files and find out your home address (or simply to trace your phone# and
 > look you up in the telco database!) and go visit your house and. . .
 > 
let me look at my The Good, Clean Funnies List (http://GCFL.net) e-mail and
see what I find :
 
I am told that a 98-year-old woman wrote this to her bank,
and the bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it
published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I
endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three "nanoseconds" must have elapsed
between his presenting the check and the arrival in my
account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course,
to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an
arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight
years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of
opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of
penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this
incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone
calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am
confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded,
faceless entity which your bank has become.

>From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a
flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments will
therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will
arrive at your bank by check, addressed personally and
confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must
nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any
other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached
an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen
employee to complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know
as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there
is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her
medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public,
and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation
(income, debts, assets, and liabilities) must be accompanied
by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number
which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that
it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have
modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to
access my account balance on your phone bank service. As
they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call
me, press buttons as follows:
1-- To make an appointment to see me.
2-- To query a missing payment.
3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am
there.
4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am
sleeping.
5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending
to nature.
6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at
home.
7-- To leave a message on my computer. (A password to access
my computer is required. A password will be communicated to
you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.)
8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1
through 7.
9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will
then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated
answering service.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait,
uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also
levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this
new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous,
New Year.

Your Humble Client

(Remember: This was written by a 98-year-old woman.)

Received from Frank.

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