Text 4341, 71 rader
Skriven 2006-05-26 09:19:00 av George Pope (3261.funny)
   Kommentar till text 4247 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
Ärende: Re: As I Mature. . .
============================
GS>  George Pope, Have you read this one. . . .  HOW TO COMBAT FAST
GS>
GS>
GS> Yes, an easy no nonsense guide to shitting on FAST and saving yourself
GS> from nasty fines and possible jail sentences.
GS>
GS> 1) Do not pirate games - Yes, this method will save you umpteen hassles
GS>    should FAST appear in your doorway, but will cost you more buying all
GS>    the games.

WTF is "FAST"??


MAN ARRESTED FOR VIOLATING LOCAL SPEED-OF-LIGHT ORDINANCE
By Tim Casady (Stoned Reporter)

December 15, 1999.  Police radar in Fort Wayne, Indiana clocked the
headlight beams of a Ford Taurus SHO going at an unprecedented speed of
186,355 miles a second.  The driver, Brett Tiedeman, from Chicago, IL
was arrested without bond, and his vehicle was impounded.  "We enforce a
speed limit of 55 miles per hour," says Sheriff Colt Brendan.  "You
don't go 1,225,678 times the speed limit and get away with it, not in
our town!"

In addition to the speeding violation, Tiedeman was charged with
reckless driving, disturbing the peace, and resisting arrest.  If
convicted, he could face up to two years in jail.

"I resisted arrest because I thought that the charges were a practical
joke," Tiedeman says in his defense.  "After all, the laws of physics
should be the same in Fort Wayne as they are anywhere else."

"He claimed he was just following the laws of physics, but around here,
the laws of Fort Wayne prevail!" says Sheriff Brendan.

Tiedeman had appealed to the American Civil Liberties Union for legal
counsel, but they have not offered assistance.  "We fight for the Bill
of Rights, not the laws of physics," says ACLU representative Kenneth
Burnham.  After this setback however, William Dickinson, a lawyer and
amateur astronomer, agreed to take on the case pro bono.  "This is not a
routine speeding violation case," says Dickinson.  "This has the
potential to be a precedent-setting case.  Is it constitutional for
local communities to regulate the speed of light?"

Although the court date has not been set, prosecutors are already lining
up expert witnesses.  Dr. John Moffat of the physics department at the
University of Toronto may be called in as an expert witness.  "The speed
of light is not constant," he was quoted as saying.  "It's traveling
slower now than it did at the beginning of the universe."  And Sheriff
Brendan says, "If the speed of light can be slowed down, then it can be
slowed down to 55 miles an hour."  Dickinson is planning expert
witnesses for the defense, but he would not confirm rumors that Stephen
Hawking might be a surprise witness.

"If you ever have the ill fortune to drive through Fort Wayne, Indiana,"
Tiedeman warns.  "Leave your headlights off!"

) 1998, 1999 CyberStones.  All Rights Reserved.


Your Moderator and all-round friend/servant,
|<+]::-) ("Cyberpope")
Internet: gapope@vcn.bc.ca
1)If you don't like a joke, post 2-3 examples of what you DO like!
B)If you DO like a joke, say thank-you with 2-3 jokes of your own! :)

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