Text 4344, 227 rader
Skriven 2006-05-29 01:23:06 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: Laffaway
====================
 GS> Q. What do you call someone who speaks two languages?
   > A. Bi-lingual.
   >
   > Q. What do you call someone who speaks three languages?
   > A. Tri-lingual.
   >
   > Q. What do you call someone who speaks only one language?
   > A. An American.

    George Pope was entering F unny stuff to  Greg Sears  

 GP> Q: What do you call someone who speaks Canadian & speaks it well?
   > A: Cunnilingual.
        ^^^^^^^^^^^^
 Talking|||||||||||| are you, how about these:

A guy met a gal in Anacostia
And said "Darling, dare I accost ya?
  I got only a buck,
  Is that good for a Fuck?"
She replied, "Not a fart will it cost ya."

Said an elderly whore named Arlene:
"I prefer a young lad of eighteen.
  There's more cream in his larder
  And his pecker gets harder
And he fucks in a manner obscene."

When the Duchess of Bagliofuente
Took her fourteenth cavaliere servente
  The Duke said "Old chappy,
  I'll keep that cunt happy
If I have to hire nineteen or twenty."

There was a young man from Berlin
A patron of sexual sin
  He crammed the small crease
  "Twixt the legs of his niece
With a foot of his old rolling pin.

There was a young lad from Brazil
Who Fucked like a veritable mill
  There was never a whore
  When she'd finished her chore
More prompt to present you her bill.

'Tis reported the Prince Montezuma
Once had an affair with a puma.
  The puma in play
  Clawed both balls away,
An example of animal humor.

There was a young girl from Hong Kong
Who said, "You are utterly wrong
  To say my vagina
  Is the largest in  China,
Just because of your mean little dong."

It always delights me at Hanks
To walk up the old river banks.
  One time on the grass
  I stepped on an ass,
And heard a young girl murmur, "Thanks."

"I once knew a harlot named Lou --
And a versatile girl she was, too.
  After ten years of whoredom
  She perished of boredom
When she married a jackass like you!"

There was a young lady of Gloucester
Met a passionate fellow who raped her
  She wasn't much hurt,
  But he dirtied her skirt
So think of the anguish it cost her.

In my sweet little Alice Blue gown
Was the first time I ever laid down
  I was both proud and shy
  As he opened his fly
And the moment I saw it I thought I would die.

Oh, it hung almost down to the ground,
As it went in I made not a sound,
  The more it that he shoved it
  The more that I loved it,
And he came on my Alice Blue gown.

In my sweet little nightgown of blue,
On the first night that I slept with you
  I was both shy and scared
  As the bed was prepared
And you played peekaboo with my ribbons of blue.

As we both watched the break of the day
And in peaceful submission I lay
  You said you adored it
  But dammmit, you tore it,
My sweet little night gown of blue.

There was a young trucker named Briard
Who had a young whore that he hired
  To Fuck when not trucking
  But trucking plus fucking
Got him so fucking tired he got fired.

There was a young fellow called Gary
Who was Fucking the Virgin Mary
  And Christ was so bored
  At seeing Ma bored
That he set himself up as a fairy.

There once was a girl from the chorus
Whose virtue was said to be porous
  She started by candling
  And ended by handling
The whole clientele of a whorehouse.

A hard-working waitress named Cora
Discovered that drummers adore a
  Titty that's ripe
  And a cunt that is tripe --
Now she doesn't work hard any more-a.

A lady named Belle da Cunt Corrigan
Was the mistress of J. Pierpont Morigan,
  Till she handed the banker
  A hell of a chancre
And now she is just a plain whore again!


> OBQuestion: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

     HOW EASILY ANNOYED ARE YOU?


  In today's fast moving, high-stress society, It's not surprising that
we sometimes become tense and irritable. But how easily are you wound
up, and how do you react? When BT operators are pissing you off by
asking for payment of your latest phone bill do you politely say `Go
Fuck yourself lady' or do you employ Micheal Ryan tactics at BT tower?
Well here's the EASY way to find out how unbalanced you are, just answer
these simple questions;


A lamer is pestering you for new games at school/college/in the office.

 Do you:

a) Tell him that you have enough  contacts already (whilst thinking
   what a sad guy he is).

b) Dial 0800 890 011 and tell the bitch there that this guy is a
   lamer, loudly enough so that everyone in the room can hear.

c) Throw a chair directly at his head whilst connecting mains terminals
   to his kneecaps.


  You look up a word in the dictionary and are distressed to find that
the Ethiopian town `Aduwa' is listed, but not various parts of the
female anatomy.

Do you:

a) Get really upset and burst into tears.
b) Rip the page out of the dictionary and send it to a lamer's address.
c) Stick a thermometer in an old biddie's mouth, burn the dictionary
   under her, and see how her body temperature rises.


You get a phone call from `Pendle Europa' asking you to join their
reformed `elite group'.

Do you:

a) Quietly take offence and say no  politely.
b) Tell the guy to `Fuck off', and  make threats of violence.
c) Say `Yes', ask for the guy's  address, catch a train to his town
   and petrol-bomb his house.


  You've been asked to look after a baby whilst it's parents are out,
and it starts crying (just as you're watching `Crimewatch' to see your
friends on TV).

Do you:

a) Give the child a dummy (NOT something similar) to suck on.
b) Lock the child outside in the  pouring rain.
c) Cut the baby's right leg off, and  beat it repeatedly about the head
   with it until it's unconscious (or  even better DEAD).


  There's a long queue in WH Smith, and you want to buy some parcel tape
(on special offer) before the Post Office shuts in five minutes.

Do you:

a) Wait your turn in the queue, pretending not to be annoyed by the
   biddy paying for a paperclip with her Barclaycard.
b) Rudely push to the front, saying `I'm in a hurry' to anyone
   confronting you.
c) Shoot the biddy with the bazooka-gift on the front of `Combat
   magazine' and pay for the tape with her credit card.


  You walk past Dixon's and notice that you're being recorded by the
Camcorder/Television display in the window.

Do you:

a) Carry on down the street, feeling a  little embarrassed.
b) Become annoyed to the extent of sticking your fingers up at it, and
   flashing to the camera.
c) Demand to see the manager, and assassinate him in the presence of
   his staff.


... >             ooo
... >            c| |
... >   __m_00_m__|_|__  Cheers, I C E-man

... >                     --spying with free beer at the wall for ALL.

--- EzyBlueWave V2.01b006 00F90257
 * Origin: Afraid of the competition? We ARE the Competition! (3:633/104)