Text 4485, 154 rader
Skriven 2006-06-20 11:53:00 av Nathan Prugh
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: Echo Rules and Guidelines
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 >========================================================================
 >SECTION THREE: IDENTIFICATION
 >========================================================================
 >        George Pope
 >        MODERATOR - FUNNY
 >        1:153/307.11 @ Fidonet.org (NETMAIL)
 >        gpope@shaw.ca (E-MAIL) (email is always welcomed)
 >

is this valid also? (1:153/307.11) If not, need be updated. :-)


OJ:

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Current Administration:

Q: Why are people so scared about the current administration?

A: Because we're being ruled by a Bush, a Dick, and a Colin.

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The True Story:

Some time ago President Clinton was hosting a state dinner when, at the last
minute, his regular cook took ill and they had to get a replacement on short
notice. The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby looking man
named Jon. The President voiced his concerns to his managers but was told
that this was the best they could do at such short notice.

Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking his fingers in
the soup to taste it and again he complained to the chief of staff about the
cook, but he was told that this man was supposed to be a very good chef. The
meal went okay, but the President was sure that the soup tasted a little off
and by the time dessert came, he was starting to have stomach cramps and
nausea. It was getting worse and worse 'til finally he had to excuse himself
from the state dinner to look for the bathroom.

Passing through the kitchen, he caught sight of the cook, Jon, scratching his
rear end and this made him feel even worse. By now he was desperately ill with
violent cramps and was so disorientated that he couldn't remember which door
led to the bathroom. He was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he
finally found a door that opened and as he undid his trousers and ran in, he
realized to his horror that he had stumbled into Monica Lewinsky's office with
his trousers around his knees. As he was just about to pass out, she bent over
him and heard her president whisper in a barely audible voice, "sack my cook."

And that is how the whole misunderstanding occurred.

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O.J. and Pee Wee:

What's the difference between O.J Simpson and Pee Wee Herman?
It only took 12 jerks to get O.J. off.

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THE DAILY SHOW HEADLINES
AUSTIN CITY LIMITS

As the Democratic Party hones its campaign strategy for next year's election,
it might look to Austin, Texas, where Democrats are facing off against
Republicans using a strategy experts have dubbed "running like hell."

Fifty-three legislators from the Texas House of Representatives bolted for the
Oklahoma state line to prevent a vote that would redraw voting districts to
favor the Republican House Majority.

Speaker of the house Tom Craddick broke the news, saying, "we have found
40-plus members located in Ardmore, Oklahoma, they are staying at the Holiday
Inn, at the present time, five minutes ago they were having dinner at Denny's,
for those of you who might be interested in that." Divisions in the Democratic
ranks appeared at Denny's, where representatives were deadlocked over the
issue of whether or not the "Moons Over My Hammy" is delicious.

VIOLENT DRILL TEAM

A nationwide bio-terrorism drill was kicked off in Seattle last week, as a
mock explosion of a dirty bomb tested the preparedness of firefighters,
police, and other emergency workers.

The Seattle drill is said to have run smoothly until news of the wartime
re-enactment reached a group of nearby Civil War buffs, who excitedly set up
a basecamp and attempted to saw off victims' legs.

According to Seattle mayor Greg Nickels, such an event is crucial to national
security because, quote, "homeland security really begins at home." Nickels is
actually speaking literally. Homeland security really does begin at his home
as Tom Ridge is crashing on his couch for a couple of days.

BLAIRLY LEGAL

The New York Times recently printed an exhaustive front-page story
flagellating itself for the deceptions of a Times reporter, Jayson Blair,
while also providing the first evidence we've seen in years that newspapers
have any sense of shame.

Blair was discovered to have falsified and plagiarized dozens of stories for
the Times. One glaring example of Blair's deception were his vivid bedside
descriptions of wounded Marines at the Bethesda Naval Medical Center. The
hitch is, he was never there but interviewed them by phone. This fact should
have been more apparent when he relied on one heavily sedated Marine's
description of the other as "a quiet purple centaur with TV coming from his
mouth."

Expense reports show Blair was at home in Brooklyn when he was supposed to be
in Maryland covering the sniper story. One embarrassingly false report that
made the front page of the Times was titled, "Boy, There Sure is a Lot of
Sniping Going on Here Where I Am. Maryland That is... Where I Am at Presently.
Dang. Look Around at Maryland."

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Capitol Parrot

One day while at the White House, the maid was cleaning the Oval Office's bird
cage -- but, while she was doing it, the parrot flew out the window. The maid
was scared that President Clinton would find out and she would be fired. So
she went to the pet store and asked the clerk if they had any parrots similar
to the one she had lost. The clerk said yes, they had one that looked just
like it, but the bird had been in a whorehouse for three years. The maid
figured it was better than nothing and bought it. When she took it back to the
White House she put the parrot back in the cage like nothing happened. Later
that day, Hillary came in and the parrot said "Too old, too old" -- the First
Lady was a bit peeved, but thought nothing of it. A little bit after that
Chelsea came in and the parrot said, "Too young, too young." A couple hours
later, President Clinton came into the room and the bird chirped
enthusiastically, "Hi Bill! Hi Bill!"

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Clinton's Finished Now

Q: How do you know Bill Clinton is done having sex?

A: You have to wipe the Whitewater off your dress...

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Republican Lightbulb Replacement Policy

How many republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three. One to change the bulb, one to call the media to publicize it, and one
to blame the electric bill on the democrats.

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