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Ärende: Humor Digest - 146
==========================
---------------------------- <Original Message> ----------------------------

   Date:  6-09-1999
   From: ROBERT RICHARDS (1:138/258)
     To: ALL
Subject: Humor Digest - 146

Humor-Digest Wednesday, June 9 1999 Volume 02 : Number 146
----------------------------------------------------------------- Todays
subjects in the Best of Humor Digest are:
BOH: Doctor, lawyer, and a biker (SEXUAL)
BOH: Failed Dog Breeds
BOH: How not to rob a bank!
----------------------------------------------------------------- BOH: Doctor,
lawyer, and a biker (SEXUAL)



Doctor, lawyer, and a biker (SEXUAL)
- -------------------------------------

Three men, a doctor, a lawyer, and a biker, were sitting
in a bar talking over a few drinks. After a sip of his
martini, the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my
anniversary. I bought my wife a diamond ring and a new
Mercedes. I figure if she doesn't like the diamond ring,
then at least she will like the Mercedes, and she will
know that I love her."

After finishing his scotch, the lawyer said, "Well, on my
last anniversary, I bought my wife a string of pearls and
a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the
pearls, then at least she would have enjoyed the trip,
and she would have known that I loved her."

The Biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said,
"Yeah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a t-shirt
and a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the t-shirt, then
she could go fuck herself

---------------------------------------------------------------------- BOH:
Failed Dog Breeds



-----------------------------
Dog Breeds that did not make it:

      Deerhound + Terrier
      Derriere, a dog that's true to the end

      Spitz + Chow Chow
      Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot

      Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye Terrier
      Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries

      Great Pyrenees + Dachshund
      Pyradachs, a puzzling breed

      Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso
      Peekasso, an abstract dog

      Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel
      Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle

      Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever
      Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists

      Newfoundland + Basset Hound
      Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors

      Terrier + Bulldog
      Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes

      Bloodhound + Labrador
      Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly

      Malamute + Pointer
      Moot Point, owned by...oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway

      Collie + Malamute
      Commute, a dog that travels to work with you

      Bloodhound + Borzoi
      Bloody Bore, a dog that's not much fun

      Pointer + Setter
      Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet

      Collie + Lhasa Apso
      Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport

-------------------------------------------------------------------- BOH: How
not to rob a bank!


HOW NOT TO ROB A BANK

Pick The Right Bank:
You don't want to make the same mistake as the fellow in
Anaheim, CA,  who tried to hold up a bank that was no
longer in business and had no money.

Study Your History:
Don't try to stick up the First National Bank of Northfield,
Minnesota. Jesse James tried it 111 years ago, and the townsfolk
Took just seven minutes to kill two and capture three of his gang.

 Nobody tried again until 1984, and the customers chased the
guy down. They're tight with their dollar, those Minnesotans.

Speak To The Right Teller:
One robber in Upland, CA, presented his note to the  teller, and
her  father, who was in the next line, got all bent out of shape
about it. He wrestled the guy to the ground and sat on him until
authorities arrived.

Don't Sign Your Demand Note:
Demand notes have been written on the back of a subpoena
issued in the name of a bank robber in Pittsburgh... on an envelope bearing
the name   and address of another in Detroit. And in East Hartford,
Connecticut, on the back of a withdrawal slip giving the robber's signature
and account number.

Don't Advertise:
A teenage girl in Los Angeles tried to distract  attention from
her face by wearing a see-through blouse with no bra while
holding up banks.

Go Easy On The Disguise:
One robber, dressed up as a woman with very heavy  make-up,
ran face  first into a glass door. He was the first criminal ever to be
positively identified by lip-print.

Take Right Turns Only:
Avoid the sad fate of the thieves in Florida who took a wrong turn into the
Homestead Air Force Base, drove up to a military police guardhouse and,
thinking it was a tollbooth, offered the security men money.

Be Aware Of The Time:
Imagine the chagrin of the bank robber in Cheshire, Massachusetts, who hit the
bank at 4:30 PM, then tried to escape through
downtown North  Adams, where he was trapped in rush hour traffic
until police arrived.

Consider Another Line Of Work:
Bank robbery is not for everyone. One nervous Newport,  RI
robber, while trying to stuff his ill-gotten gains into his shirt pocket, shot
himself in the head and died instantly.

Be Strong:
Then there was the case of the hopeful criminal in  Swansea,
Massachusetts, who, when the teller told him she had no money,
fainted. He was still unconscious when the police arrived. His
getaway car parked nearby had the keys locked inside.

------------------------------
End of - Humor-Digest V2 #146
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