Text 4739, 122 rader
Skriven 2006-12-06 20:54:00 av Greg Sears
Ärende: bofh
============
The Bastard Operator from Hell #12

       I get to work and I'm a bit tired so I plug a thick hunk of
   copper across the  three  phase  supply  and  throw  the  switch.
   The room is plunged into darkness as the circuit breakers trip and
   for once the machine room is silent.

   I like it!

   I pop the phone off the hook and close the curtains on the
   observation window. Now  it's  *really*  dark in there.  I wouldn't
   be surprised if someone had a nasty accident in here..

      I lift a couple of floor tiles up in the darkness and call our
   maintenance contractors  saying the mini popped the breaker again,
   then replace the fuses in it with a couple of nails and short the
   power supply to ground.  You can't just hope for this sort of
   thing, you've got to MAKE it happen.

   15 minutes later the engineer arives and falls down the hole.  I
   pop the floor tiles back on just as the System Manager (a new and
   very thorough individual) comes in, telling me to watch out,
   someone could really hurt themselves in the dark...

      I nod & tell him that we can't really afford all the downtime,
   and should I just throw the breaker and hope that there was no
   major fault.  After thinking about the negative publicity we're
   getting already, he makes the last decision of his short career and
   tells me to go ahead.

   Later, when the smoke clears I examine the smoking remains of the
   mini.  Not a pretty sight...

     "Strange that the breaker jammed shut, isn't it?" I say to our
   manager as he packs up the personal things in his office.  "One in
   a million chance.  A pity that someone saw what you did and posted
   the whole story to comp.misc.  You'll be lucky to get a job
   managing a car computer after all that publicity..."

       I go back to the machine room and throw the rest of the
   breakers to liven everything  up,  then  login  and  start
   deleting  users'  email.  I spot an interesting  off-the-record
   sexual proposition from our male consultant to a member of the
   men's swim team which will make a good motd, so I copy it there,
   modify  root's  owner  name to be "Winker" and password to be
   "ljkadlkajflkj"  (then call the big boss to report a suspected
   intrusion).  Should be at least a couple of hours of login time
   before we can sort that out.  In the meantime, people are just
   going to have to read that message...   I realise the message has
   been read when I hear the gunshot from behind the consultant's
   closed door.

      I edit the online helpdesk information and change the phone
   number to the System Manager's  -  he'll probably appreciate the
   extra calls at such a sad time...

   I hear another shot and realise he won't be answering any calls
   today.

    I put the phone back on the hook and flip today's excuse card.
   "Poor power conditioning".  Too plausible.  "STATIC BUILDUP".
   Still a bit too plausible for my liking,  but  I  don't want to run
   out of cards before the end of the year, so I decide to run with
   it.

   The phone rings almost as soon as I've got "Top Gun" in the video
   machine so I pause the video and put the phone on hands-free.

   "I think I've bought a bad floppy disk"

   "Yes?"  I wonder if I've suddenly become the consumer watchdog?

   "Well, I've got this disk and it won't format.  All the others in
   the box did so I thought I must have a bad disk"

   "Why are you calling me about this?" I ask

   "Well, the disk says guaranteed; where do I go to get a
   replacement?"

   Ah!  Of course.

   "Well, let's see.  Are you sure it's the disk, and not just some
   problem with static buildup?"

   "Huh?"

   "Static Buildup, you know, static electricity that's passed from
   you to the computer"

   "But I'm wearing a wrist strap!"

   Around about now I realise I'm deep in dweeb country.  Wrist straps
   aren't fashion accessories in *my* part of town...

   "Of course you are, but your average wrist strap has a 1 meg
   resistor in series with it, a *really* poor earth.  What you need
   is a direct earth connection.  Hang onto the frame of something
   that's earthed properly."

   "What, you mean like our stainless steel work bench?"

   "Excellent.  Now, have you got a paper clip to discharge the static
   with?"

   "Hang on.  Yeah"

   "Ok, with your other hand, poke the clip thru the ventilation holes
   at the back of the unit, and just touch the contact at the end of
   the thick red wire."

   "The one going to the power supply?"

   "Yep, that's it"

   "....Hey, isn't that the li... >kzzzzt!clunk Another call solved by
   the helpdesk from hell...

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