Text 4793, 161 rader
Skriven 2007-03-15 22:19:00 av Greg Sears
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: A story
===============
                    FAT-GIRL COMICS(*)
Our Motto is "ALL MALICIOUS LIES!"

     (*) Originally called Low-Life News, but marketing said
this title upset people even more, so...

     In accordance with the fed's gender-neutral rules
EVERYTHING in this mag is applicable to BOTH sexes.

     Got that? An Airhead can be both male or female and a
bitch... like Rodney over there, the tramp... is justh a
silly bitch.

     Onward.

==========================================================
DEPARTMENTS:  1 : Found Sitting On the Editor's Spike.
============               by pat
              2 : Vicious Sleaze.
                           claire's clairvoyance.
              3 : Rumor Milestones.
                           terri's traffic
              4 : Use Me, Beat me, I don't care anymore...
                           Louie's pleading
              5 : Guilty, guilty, GUILTY!
                           artful justice
              6 : Roll of Quarters.
                          MB2
 ========================================================

     Spiking the Cooler... by pat

     Our fanciful little mag is dedicated to the proposition
that no rumor, no matter *HOW* low, deserved to be
considered. It doesn't matter who it's about, or how vile it
is, if there's even a hint of suspicion, (like they're
breathing) it's true enough to be talked about.

     In normal cases, still breathing in considered as
proof, as a matter of fact.

     A sad case of red-eye came in the office this morning?
The drunken lout got it hanging around downtown bars picking
up 12 year old hookers and running down innocent
pedestrians.

     We all know what that regular 10:30 bathroom trip is
for... and so does the hussy down that way.

     Taking money out of the bank on a Friday? That's good
for animal abuse, entrapment AND bribing poor starving Nuns
with, isn't it?

     'Nuf said on my part. You're too intelligent an
audience to need the obvious pointed out to you.

     Enjoy the slander, it's all you have.
---------------------------------------
  The strangest thing about television is that commercials are never
interrupted by special bulletins.
---------------------------------------
  A coward said, "I make last-minute changes in my will before I visit
the dentist."

  A root canal is a dental procedure that feels like it's done with the
same tools used in Suez and Panama.

  A dentist wrote his patient:  "Please pay up.  After all, I enabled
you to eat."
  "If things don't improve," replied the patient, "you can have your
teeth back."

  There is a fellow who uses toothpaste flavored with brandy.  He now
has 40 percent more cavities, but claims he couldn't care less.

  Recent survey shows that whiskey drinkers get more cavities than milk
drinkers, but they go to the dentist in a better frame of mind.
---------------------------------------
   A politician was getting dressed to go to a fund-raising dinner
when his wife exploded.  She said, "It's ridiculous.  Every night
it's either a meeting, a reception, a banquet, or a testimonial.  I
think I'd drop dead on the spot if you ever spent an evening at
home."
   He said, "Please, dear.  Under the new rules we're not allowed
to accept bribes."
---------------------------------------
   A New Yorker was flying to Los Angeles and when the airliner
reached Arizona the announcement was made that they were now
passing over the Grand Canyon.  He looked down for a few seconds
and then went back to his magazine.  The stewardess said, "You
don't seem too impressed."  The New Yorker said, "You've seen one
pothole, you've seen them all!"
---------------------------------------
   A hiker traveling the mountains of Arizona came upon an Indian
sending smoke signals.  When asked how big a fire he usually built,
the Indian replied, "It all depends on whether it's a local or a
long-distance call."
---------------------------------------
  A bum goes over to a rabbi and asks for a dime or so.  A few
minutes later, the bum goes over to another bum across the street.  The
second bum asks, "How much did you get from the rabbi?"
  The first bum says, "Get?   I ended up giving him a dollar for the
temple building fund!"
---------------------------------------
  A man walked into a liquor store and asked for a certain brand of
cigarette.  The clerk asked, "Soft pack or crushproof box?"
  "Crushproof."
  "Regular or king-size?"
  "Filter tip or plain?"
  "Plain."
  "Menthol or mint?"
  "Mint."
  "Pack or carton?"
  "Forget it.  I just broke the habit!"
---------------------------------------
  A man came down with the flu and was forced to stay home one day.
He was glad for the interlude because it taught him how much his wife
loved him.  She was so thrilled to have him around that when a delivery
man or the mailman arrived, she ran out and yelled, "My husband home!
My husband's home!"
---------------------------------------
  Some individuals feel sorry for the poor mosquito.  When he goes to
a nudist colony he doesn't know where to begin!
---------------------------------------
  Things are always going wrong with a house.  Yesterday, my wife
called the plumber and when he came in he said, "Where's the drip?"
  She said, "Upstairs trying to fix the leak!"
---------------------------------------
   A man asked a cabbie to take him to an address on the west side of
town.  The cabbie started the journey by darting into traffic, making
impossible one-wheeled turns, and cutting in and out, changing lanes a
dozen times a minute.  After one hair-raising turn, the passenger said,
"Please be careful.  I have ten kids at home."
   The cabbie answered, You have ten kids, and you're telling ME to be
careful?"
---------------------------------------
   A small boy who was told to go to the henhouse to collect some eggs
corrected his father's choice of words.  His father responded, "I don't
care if she's sittin' or settin', but when she starts cacklin', I want
to know whether she's layin' or lyin'."
---------------------------------------
   I couldn't help but overhear our neighbor bragging to a friend
about her husband.  She said he's such a dedicated salesman, he even
subscribes to a magazine just to learn how to be more dynamic, more
aggressive, and more of a go-getter.  She's never looked at the magazine
but she can tell by the title.  Her friend said, "What's the title?"
She said, "Hustler!"



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