Text 558, 126 rader
Skriven 2004-11-18 04:47:12 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: Book
================
 Echo: Funny
 Date: 15-Nov-2004 14:32
 Subj: Re: Book

 GS> A young girl sent a boy a valentine which read:
   > "If you will be my valentine,
   > I will be your concubine"
   > When her parents found out about the message, they, of course, wanted to
   > know about her use of the word. She explained that she didn't know what
   > the word meant, but that it rhymed and must be o.k., because she read it
   > in the Bible.

 George Pope replied IN a Message to GREG SEARS 

 GP> I like it!  (maybe only cuz I don't have a daughter!)

 G-day  George Pope, A Shocking Lack of Bedside Manners

Mr. Jones gets a call from the hospital. They tell him his wife's been in
a terrible car accident. He rushes to the hospital, runs into the ER and
says his wife's been in an accident. They tell him Dr. Smith is handling
the case. They page the doctor. He comes out to the waiting room to see a
terribly upset Mr. Jones.

"Mr. Jones?" the doctor asks. "Yes sir, what's happened? How is my wife?"
The doctor sits next to him and says, "Not good news. Your wife's
accident resulted in two fractures of her spine."

"Oh my God" says Mr. Jones, "what will be her prognosis?"  Dr. Smith says
"Well, Mr. Jones, her vital signs are stable. However, her spine is
inoperable. She'll have no motor skills or capability. This means you
will have to feed her."  Mr. Jones begins to sob.  "And you'll have to
turn her in her bed every two hours to prevent pneumonia."

Mr. Jones begins to wail and cry loudly.  "Then, of course," the doctor
continued, "you'll have to diaper her as she'll have no control over her
bladder and of course these diapers must be changed at least five times a
day." Mr. Jones begins to shake as he cries, sobs, wails.

The doctor continues: "And you'll have to clean up her feces on a regular
basis as she'll have no control over her sphincters. Her bowel will
engorge whenever and quite often I'm afraid.  Of course you must clean
her immediately to avoid accumulation of the putrid effluent she'll be
emitting regularly."

Now Mr. Jones is convulsing sobbing uncontrollably and beginning to
wither off the bench into a sobbing pitiful mass.

Just then Dr. Smith reaches out his hand and pats Mr. Jones on the
shoulder.

"Hey, I'm just messing with you, she's dead."

> OBJoke: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

Which Service is Best?

A soldier, a sailor, an airman, and a marine get into an argument about
what armed force is the best. The argument gets so heated that they fail
to see an on-coming truck. They are hit and killed instantly. When they
arrive in heaven, they see Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. So they
decide he can settle their argument. They walk up and ask him, "Saint
Peter, what Military Service is the best?" He thinks for a moment, then
says, "Well, I'm afraid I can't tell you. But I'll tell you what. I'll
talk to God next time I see Him, and I'll find out for you. In the mean
time, welcome to heaven." So they enter. Later, they see Saint Peter
while walking around, and they ask him about their question. But before
Saint Peter can say anything, trumpets blare, a bright light shines, and
a white dove flies out of the light with an envelope in it's beak. Saint
Peter says, "Ah, here's the answer from the Boss." He takes the letter,
and the dove flies off. He opens it, trumpets play, gold dust flies up,
and Saint Peter reads aloud:

FROM THE DESK OF GOD

TO: SOLDIERS, SAILORS, AIRMEN, AND MARINES

RE: WHICH SERVICE IS BEST.

Dear Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines,
All branches of the United States Armed forces are truly honorable.
One should take pride in serving with the Military. You are all
well-trained men, all capable of pulling off your job exceedingly well.
Therefore, there is no superior service.

Sincerely,
God, USMC (Ret.)

> OBJoke: for Mr. <+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")

BLACK AND BROWN

Little Donny had been bringing his drawings home from kindergarten every
day since he started a month ago. Each day, his mother admired the
pictures, and hung them on the refrigerator.

One thing started bothering her. Little Donny only used black and brown
for his drawings. Fearing a problem, and not wanting it to get worse, she
decided to take him to a child psychologist.

The psychologist delicately went to work. He gave Little Donny a battery
of psychological tests. He chatted with Little Donny. Everything seemed
perfectly normal. Every day for two weeks, the tests continued. Yet
everyday, Little Donny continued to bring home drawings in only black and
brown.

Frustrated at not being able to get to the root of the problem, and
fearful that something was terribly wrong, the child psychologist decided
to give Little Donny some paper and a box of crayons, and observe what
happened.

Little Donny opened the box of crayons, and said, "Oh, Boy! A new box of
crayons! At school, we only have old boxes. The only crayons left in mine
are black and brown!"


Salutations from --Christchurch-+
  ICE-man in      /\            |          \ | /   Mountains, Sunshine
 New Zealand     /  \/\         |  /\     -- O --   Forestry, Farming
-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^/      \!!ii,,..@-/==\---^-^-^-^-^ Beaches and Surfing


... George Pope. . . . Said that 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2?

--- EzyBlueWave V2.01b005 00F90260
 * Origin: Milky Way, Langley, BC [604] 532-4367 (1:153/307)