Text 619, 142 rader
Skriven 2004-11-30 12:19:00 av George Pope
     Kommentar till en text av GREG SEARS
Ärende: Re: What We All Want. . .
=================================
GS>    > (0&,I see, after the scroll down, that I was right!)
GS>
GS> I did that cause I remember how pissed you get at posters that only
GS> send the questions without answers eh! ;-)

I don't get truly "pissed off" -- just take the opportunities to kibbitz a
little with my valued contributors!

GS>  GP>        c~~p ,---------.       `-`-.        (_,         .-:'  `; `-._
GS>  GP>   ,---'oo  )           \      '( @ >     ,'o"(        (_,           )
GS>  GP>  ( O O                  )/     _) (     (__,-'      ,'o"(
GS>  GP>                         (Translation below)
GS>  GP>                        Hippo Birdie Two Ewe.
GS>
GS>
GS> Very clever that one CyberPope! I like it........

I know, that's why I sent it to ya!
Glad you approved!

GS> Etymology of the British arse

Sounds like utter bullspit, but it's funny!

More British language history. . .
Possibly 100% true as written. . .

The History of the English Language
Written by  Owen Alun and Brendan O'Corraidhe
Posted on: Teresa’s Joke List

In the beginning there was an island off the coast of Europe.  It had
no name, for the natives had no language, only a collection of grunts
and gestures that roughly translated to "Hey!" "Gimme!" and "Pardon
me, but would you happen to have any woad?"

Then the Romans invaded it and called it Britain, because the natives
were "blue, nasty, br(u-i)tish and short."  This was the start of the
importance of u (and its mispronounciation) to the language.  After
building some roads, killing off some of the nasty little blue people
and walling up the rest, the Romans left, taking the language
instruction manual with them.

The British were bored so they invited the barbarians to come over
(under Hengist) and "Horsa" 'round a bit.  The Angles, Saxons, and
Jutes brought slightly more refined vocal noises.

All of the vocal sounds of this primitive language were onomatapoeic,
being derived from the sounds of battle.  Consonants were derived from
the sounds of weapons striking a foe.  "Sss" and "th" for example are
the sounds of a draw cut, "k" is the sound of a solidly landed axe
blow, "b", "d", are the sounds of a head dropping onto rock and sod
respectively, and "gl" is the sound of a body splashing into a bog.

Vowels (which were either gargles in the back of the throat or sharp
exhalations) were derived from the sounds the foe himself made when
struck.

The barbarians had so much fun that decided to stay for post-revel.
The British, finding that they had lost future use of the site, moved
intothe hills to the west and called themselves Welsh.

The Irish, having heard about language from Patrick, came over to
investigate.  When they saw the shiny vowels, they pried them loose
and took them home.  They then raided Wales and stole both their
cattle and their vowels, so the poor Welsh had to make do with sheep
and consonants.  ("Old Ap Ivor hadde a farm, L Y L Y W!  And on that
farm he hadde somme gees.  With a dd dd here and a dd dd there...")

To prevent future raids, the Welsh started calling themselves "Cymry"
and gave even longer names to their villages.  They figured if no one
could pronounce the name of their people or the names of their towns,
then no one would visit them.  (The success of the tactic is
demonstrated still today.  How many travel agents have YOU heard
suggest a visit to scenic Llyddumlmunnyddthllywddu?)

Meantime, the Irish brought all the shiny new vowels home to Erin. But
of course they didn't know that there was once an instruction manual
for them, so they scattered the vowels throughout the language purely
as ornaments.  Most of the new vowels were not pronounced, and those
that were were pronounced differently depending on which kind of
consonant they were either preceding or following.

The Danes came over and saw the pretty vowels bedecking all the Irish
words.  "Ooooh!" they said.  They raided Ireland and brought the
vowels back home with them.  But the Vikings couldn't keep track of
all the Irish rules so they simply pronounced all the vowels "oouuoo."

In the meantime, the French had invaded Britain, which was populated
by descendants of the Germanic Angles, Saxons, and Jutes.  After a
generation or two, the people were speaking German with a French
accent and calling it English.  Then the Danes invaded again, crying
"Oouuoo! Oouuoo!" burning abbeys, and trading with the townspeople.

The Britons that the Romans hadn't killed intermarried with visiting
Irish and became Scots.  Against the advice of their travel agents,
they decided to visit Wales.  (The Scots couldn't read the signposts
that said, "This way to Lyddyllwwyddymmllwylldd," but they could smell
sheep a league away.)  The Scots took the sheep home with them and
made some of them into haggis.  What they made with the others we
won't say, but Scots are known to this day for having hairy legs.

The former Welsh, being totally bereft, moved down out of the hills
and into London.  Because they were the only people in the Islands who
played flutes instead of bagpipes, they were called Tooters.  This
made them very popular.  In short order, Henry Tooter got elected King
and begin popularizing ornate, unflattering clothing.

Soon, everybody was wearing ornate, unflattering clothing, playing the
flute, speaking German with a French accent, pronouncing all their
vowels "oouuoo" (which was fairly easy given the French accent), and
making lots of money in the wool trade.  Because they were rich,
people smiled more (remember, at this time, "Beowulf" and "Canterbury
Tales" were the only tabloids, and gave generally favorable reviews
even to Danes).  And since it is next to impossible to keep your
vowels in the back of your throat (even if you do speak German with a
French accent) while smiling and saying "oouuoo" (try it, you'll see
what I mean), the Great Vowel Shift came about and transformed the
English language.

The very richest had their vowels shifted right out in front of their
teeth. They settled in Manchester and later in Boston. There were a
few poor souls who, cut off from the economic prosperity of the wool
trade, continued to swallow their vowels.  They wandered the
countryside in misery and despair until they came to the docks of
London, where their dialect devolved into the incomprehensible
language known as Cockney. Later, it was taken overseas and further
brutalized by merging it with Dutch and Italian to create Brooklynese.


Your Moderator and all-round friend/servant,
<+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")
Internet: gapope@vcn.bc.ca
1)If you don't like a joke, post 2-3 examples of what you DO like!
B)If you DO like a joke, say thank-you with 2-3 jokes of your own! :)

(AKA the Bishop of ROM!)

... nfx v3.1                                                                 

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