Tillbaka till svenska Fidonet
English   Information   Debug  
FIDO_SYSOP   12852
FIDO_UTIL   0/180
FILEFIND   0/209
FILEGATE   0/212
FILM   0/18
FNEWS_PUBLISH   4393
FN_SYSOP   41678
FN_SYSOP_OLD1   71952
FTP_FIDO   0/2
FTSC_PUBLIC   0/13598
FUNNY   755/4886
GENEALOGY.EUR   0/71
GET_INFO   105
GOLDED   0/408
HAM   0/16069
HOLYSMOKE   0/6791
HOT_SITES   0/1
HTMLEDIT   0/71
HUB203   466
HUB_100   264
HUB_400   39
HUMOR   0/29
IC   0/2851
INTERNET   0/424
INTERUSER   0/3
IP_CONNECT   719
JAMNNTPD   0/233
JAMTLAND   0/47
KATTY_KORNER   0/41
LAN   0/16
LINUX-USER   0/19
LINUXHELP   0/1155
LINUX   0/22090
LINUX_BBS   0/957
mail   18.68
mail_fore_ok   249
MENSA   0/341
MODERATOR   0/102
MONTE   0/992
MOSCOW_OKLAHOMA   0/1245
MUFFIN   0/783
MUSIC   0/321
N203_STAT   924
N203_SYSCHAT   313
NET203   321
NET204   69
NET_DEV   0/10
NORD.ADMIN   0/101
NORD.CHAT   0/2572
NORD.FIDONET   189
NORD.HARDWARE   0/28
NORD.KULTUR   0/114
NORD.PROG   0/32
NORD.SOFTWARE   0/88
NORD.TEKNIK   0/58
NORD   0/453
OCCULT_CHAT   0/93
OS2BBS   0/787
OS2DOSBBS   0/580
OS2HW   0/42
OS2INET   0/37
OS2LAN   0/134
OS2PROG   0/36
OS2REXX   0/113
OS2USER-L   207
OS2   0/4786
OSDEBATE   0/18996
PASCAL   0/490
PERL   0/457
PHP   0/45
POINTS   0/405
POLITICS   0/29554
POL_INC   0/14731
PSION   103
R20_ADMIN   1121
R20_AMATORRADIO   0/2
R20_BEST_OF_FIDONET   13
R20_CHAT   0/893
R20_DEPP   0/3
R20_DEV   399
R20_ECHO2   1379
R20_ECHOPRES   0/35
R20_ESTAT   0/719
R20_FIDONETPROG...
...RAM.MYPOINT
  0/2
R20_FIDONETPROGRAM   0/22
R20_FIDONET   0/248
R20_FILEFIND   0/24
R20_FILEFOUND   0/22
R20_HIFI   0/3
R20_INFO2   3207
R20_INTERNET   0/12940
R20_INTRESSE   0/60
R20_INTR_KOM   0/99
R20_KANDIDAT.CHAT   42
R20_KANDIDAT   28
R20_KOM_DEV   112
R20_KONTROLL   0/13259
R20_KORSET   0/18
R20_LOKALTRAFIK   0/24
R20_MODERATOR   0/1852
R20_NC   76
R20_NET200   245
R20_NETWORK.OTH...
...ERNETS
  0/13
R20_OPERATIVSYS...
...TEM.LINUX
  0/44
R20_PROGRAMVAROR   0/1
R20_REC2NEC   534
R20_SFOSM   0/340
R20_SF   0/108
R20_SPRAK.ENGLISH   0/1
R20_SQUISH   107
R20_TEST   2
R20_WORST_OF_FIDONET   12
RAR   0/9
RA_MULTI   106
RA_UTIL   0/162
REGCON.EUR   0/2056
REGCON   0/13
SCIENCE   0/1206
SF   0/239
SHAREWARE_SUPPORT   0/5146
SHAREWRE   0/14
SIMPSONS   0/169
STATS_OLD1   0/2539.065
STATS_OLD2   0/2530
STATS_OLD3   0/2395.095
STATS_OLD4   0/1692.25
SURVIVOR   0/495
SYSOPS_CORNER   0/3
SYSOP   0/84
TAGLINES   0/112
TEAMOS2   0/4530
TECH   0/2617
TEST.444   0/105
TRAPDOOR   0/19
TREK   0/755
TUB   0/290
UFO   0/40
UNIX   0/1316
USA_EURLINK   0/102
USR_MODEMS   0/1
VATICAN   0/2740
VIETNAM_VETS   0/14
VIRUS   0/378
VIRUS_INFO   0/201
VISUAL_BASIC   0/473
WHITEHOUSE   0/5187
WIN2000   0/101
WIN32   0/30
WIN95   0/4288
WIN95_OLD1   0/70272
WINDOWS   0/1517
WWB_SYSOP   0/419
WWB_TECH   0/810
ZCC-PUBLIC   0/1
ZEC   4

 
4DOS   0/134
ABORTION   0/7
ALASKA_CHAT   0/506
ALLFIX_FILE   0/1313
ALLFIX_FILE_OLD1   0/7997
ALT_DOS   0/152
AMATEUR_RADIO   0/1039
AMIGASALE   0/14
AMIGA   0/331
AMIGA_INT   0/1
AMIGA_PROG   0/20
AMIGA_SYSOP   0/26
ANIME   0/15
ARGUS   0/924
ASCII_ART   0/340
ASIAN_LINK   0/651
ASTRONOMY   0/417
AUDIO   0/92
AUTOMOBILE_RACING   0/105
BABYLON5   0/17862
BAG   135
BATPOWER   0/361
BBBS.ENGLISH   0/382
BBSLAW   0/109
BBS_ADS   0/5290
BBS_INTERNET   0/507
BIBLE   0/3563
BINKD   0/1119
BINKLEY   0/215
BLUEWAVE   0/2173
CABLE_MODEMS   0/25
CBM   0/46
CDRECORD   0/66
CDROM   0/20
CLASSIC_COMPUTER   0/378
COMICS   0/15
CONSPRCY   0/899
COOKING   32712
COOKING_OLD1   0/24719
COOKING_OLD2   0/40862
COOKING_OLD3   0/37489
COOKING_OLD4   0/35496
COOKING_OLD5   9370
C_ECHO   0/189
C_PLUSPLUS   0/31
DIRTY_DOZEN   0/201
DOORGAMES   0/2053
DOS_INTERNET   0/196
duplikat   6002
ECHOLIST   0/18295
EC_SUPPORT   0/318
ELECTRONICS   0/359
ELEKTRONIK.GER   1534
ENET.LINGUISTIC   0/13
ENET.POLITICS   0/4
ENET.SOFT   0/11701
ENET.SYSOP   33888
ENET.TALKS   0/32
ENGLISH_TUTOR   0/2000
EVOLUTION   0/1335
FDECHO   0/217
FDN_ANNOUNCE   0/7068
FIDONEWS   24099
FIDONEWS_OLD1   0/49742
FIDONEWS_OLD2   0/35949
FIDONEWS_OLD3   0/30874
FIDONEWS_OLD4   0/37224
Möte FUNNY, 4886 texter
 lista första sista föregående nästa
Text 785, 239 rader
Skriven 2004-12-15 23:10:12 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: Joke Today[10-12-200 6/13
=====================================
Funny on 12-Dec-2004 11:23

 GS>      Q:   What is foreplay for a blonde?
   >      A:   Thirty minutes of begging.

      -=[George Pope wrote IN a message to GREG SEARS]=-

 GP> Maybe for her boyfriend?
   > Last I heard, Blondes don't need to worry about begging for sex!

  G-day George Pope, that Q&A must have been a typo EH! #[;-)]


> OBJoke: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

                           Christmas Carols
                          ------------------
               <Star Trek : The Next Generation Style>

FROM JEAN-LUC PICARD (to the tune of "Let It Snow"):

Oh, the vacuum outside is endless,
Unforgiving, cold, and friendless,
But still we must boldly go--
Make it so, make it so, make it so!


FROM WILLIAM RIKER (to the tune of "Deck the Halls"):

Here's a vexing Christmas riddle:
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
Why must I play second fiddle?
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
How can I impress Deanna
(Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la la la)
When I'm number two banana?
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)


FROM WESLEY CRUSHER, Starfleet Cadet
to the tune of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"):

I'm at Starfleet Academy,
And I'd just like to say
I miss the opportunity
To weekly save the day--
To make things worse, I have to be
In some dumb Christmas play!
Yes, I'm bright, though I'm just a teenaged boy,
Only a boy,
And the Enterprise was my most favorite toy!


FROM DATA:
to the tune of "Jingle Bells")

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle all the way!
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh--
or so I am reliably informed; lacking a subjective
and intuitively perceived referent for the term "fun,"
I am able only to report the phenomenon as experienced
by others, whose individual perceptions somewhat colour the--
yes, sir.


WORF E-MAILED two different greetings.
The first appears to be to the tune of "White Christmas":

I'm dreaming of a dead Pakled,
Just like the one in Rec Deck Eight.
They all think they've hidden,
But this one didn't,
And I'm using him as bait.
I'm dreaming of a dead Pakled--
Their mental skills are rather lame.
May your foes die sonless, in shame--
And I hope you're wishing me the same!


The second is most easily sung to the tune of "The Christmas Song"
("Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire"):

Phasers flashing in the depths of space,
Ripping up an airtight hull;
Signs of fear on your enemy's face,
And life-support signs reading null!
Ev'rybody knows a Romulan's a spineless foe
Who lacks the Klingon will to fight!
Phaser beams set his torso aglow--
He'll find it hard to breathe tonight!
He knows that Worf is on his way!
And soon he'll be the object of the verb "to slay"!
And ev'ry slinking Rom and Pakled spy
Will soon become the subject of the verb "to die"!
And so I'm offering this simple threat
To Roms, and all Ferengi, too:
You'll be as dead as a life-form can get--
Merry Christmas to you!


> OBJoke: for Mr. <+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")

Case Report: Unique Case of Aerial Sleigh-Borne Present-Deliverer's
Syndrome Source:  North Pole Journal of Medicine, vol 1 no.1, December
1993
Author:  Dr. Iman Elf, M.D.

   On January 2, 1993, Mr. C, an obese, white Caucasian male, who appeared
approximately 65 years old, but who could not accurately state his age,
presented to my family practice office with complaints of generalized
aches and pains, sore red eyes, depression, and general malaise.  The
patient's face was erythematic, and he was in mild respiratory distress,
although his demeanor was jolly.  He attributed these symptoms to being
"not as young as I used to be, Ho! Ho! Ho!", but thought he should have
them checked out.
   The patient's occupation is delivering presents once a year, on
December 25th, to many people worldwide.  He flies in a sleigh pulled by
eight reindeer, and gains access to homes via chimneys.  He has performed
this work for as long as he can remember.
   Upon examination and ascertaining Mr. C's medical history, I have
discovered what I believe to be a unique and heretofore undescribed
medical syndrome related to this man's occupation and lifestyle, named
Aerial Sleigh-Borne Present-Deliverer's Syndrome, or ASBPDS for short.
   Medical History:  Mr. C. admits to drinking only once a year, and only
when someone puts rum in the eggnog left for him to consume during his
working hours.  However, I believe his bulbous nose and erythematic face
may indicate long-term ethanol abuse.  He has smoked pipe tobacco for many
years, although workplace regulations at the North Pole have forced him to
cut back to one or two pipes per day for the last 5 years.  He has had no
major illnesses or surgeries in the past.  He has no known allergies.
Travel history is extensive, as he visits nearly every location in the
world annually.  He has had all his immunizations, including all available
vaccines for tropical diseases.  He does little exercise and eats large
meals with high sugar and cholesterol levels, and a high percentage of
calories derived from fat (he subsists all year on food he collects on
Dec. 25, which consists mainly of eggnog, Cola drinks, and cookies).
Family history was unavailable, as the patient could not name any
relatives.

   Physical Examination and Review of Systems, With Social/Occupational
Correlates:  The patient wears corrective lenses, and has 20/80 vision.
His conjunctivae were hyperalgesic and erythematous, and Fluorescein
staining revealed numerous randomly occurring corneal abrasions.  This
appears to be caused by dust, debris, and other particles which strike his
eyes at high velocity during his flights.  He has headaches nearly every
day, usually starting half way through the day, and worsened by stress.
   He had extensive ecchymoses, abrasions, lacerations, and first-degree
burns on his head, arms, legs, and back, which I believe to be caused
mainly by trauma experienced during repeated chimney descents and falls
from his sleigh. Collisions with birds during his flight, gunshot wounds
(delivered by homeowners mistaking him for a burglar) and bites consistent
with reindeer teeth may also have contributed to these wounds.  Patches of
leukoderma and anesthesia on his nose, cheeks, penis, and distal digits
are consistent with frostbite caused by periods of hypothermia during
high-altitude flights.
   He had a blood pressure of 150/95, a heart rate of 90 beats/minute, and
a respiratory rate of 40.  He has had shortness of breath for several
years, which worsens during exertion.  He has no evidence of acute cardiac
or pulmonary failure, but it was my opinion that he is quite unfit due to
his mainly sedentary lifestyle and poor eating habits which, along with
his stress, smoking, and male gender, place him at high risk for coronary
heart disease, myocardial infarction, emphysema and other problems.  Blood
tests subsequently revealed higher-than-normal CO levels, which I
attribute to smoke inhalation during chimney descent into non-extinguished
fireplaces.
   He has experienced chronic back pain for several years.  A neurological
examination was consistent with a mild herniation of his L4-L5 or L5-S1
disk, which probably resulted from carrying a heavy sack of toys, enduring
bumpy sleigh rides, and his jarring feet-first falls to the bottom of
chimneys.
   Mr. C. had a swollen left scrotum, which, upon biopsy, was diagnosed as
scrotal cancer, the likely etiology being the soot from chimneys.

   Psychiatric Examination and Social/Occupational Correlates:  Mr. C's
depression has been chronic for several years.  I do not believe it to be
organic in nature--rather, he has a number of unresolved issues in his
personal and professional life which cause him distress.
   He exhibits long-term amnesia, and cannot recall any events more than 5
years ago.  This may be due to a repressed psychological trauma he
experienced, head trauma, or, more likely, the mythical nature of his
existence.
   Although the patient has a jolly demeanor, he expresses profound
unhappiness.  He reports anger at not receiving royalties for the
widespread commercial use of his likeness and name.  Although he reports
satisfaction with the sex he has with his wife, I sense he may feel erotic
impulses when children sit on his lap, and I worry he may have pedophillic
tendencies. This could be the subconscious reason he employs only
vertically-challenged workers ("elfs"), but I believe his hiring practices
are more likely a reaction formation due to body-image problems stemming
from his obesity.  The patient feels annoyed and worried when he is told
many people do not believe he exists, and I feel this may develop into a
serious identity crisis if not dealt with.  He reports great stress over
having to choose which gifts to give to children, and a feeling of guilt
and inadequacy over the decisions he makes as to which children are
"naughty" and "nice".
   Because he experiences total darkness lasting many months during winter
at the North Pole, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) may be a contributor
to his depression.

   Treatment and Counselling:  All Mr. C's wounds were cleaned and
dressed, and he was prescribed an antibiotic ointment for his eyes.  A
referral to a physiotherapist was made to ameliorate his disk problem.  On
February 9, a bilateral orchidectomy was performed, and no further cancer
has been detected as of this writing.  He was counselled to wash soot from
his body regularly, to avoid lit-fire chimney descents where practicable,
and to consider switching to a closed-sleigh, heated, pressurized sleigh.
He refused suggestions to add a helmet and protective accessories to his
uniform.
   He was put on a high-fibre, low cholesterol diet, and advised to reduce
his smoking and drinking.  He has shown success with these lifestyle
changes so far, although it remains to be seen whether he will be able to
resist the treats left out for him next Christmas.
   He visits a psychiatrist weekly, and reports doing "Not too bad, Ho!
Ho! Ho!".

   Conclusions:  Physicians, when presented with aerial sleigh-borne
present-deliverers exhibiting more than a few of these symptoms, should
seriously consider ASBPDS as their differential diagnosis.  I encourage
other physicians with access to patients working in allied professions
(e.g. nightly Teeth-Purchasers or Annual Candied Egg Providers) to
investigate whether analogous anatomical/ physiological/ psychological
syndromes exist.  The happiness of children everywhere depend on effective
management of these syndromes.

by Kevin Speight



   *                       *
  ###  Merry  Christmas   ###
 #####  Happy New Year   #####
   =      I C E-man        =

... v0.46: MultiMail, the new multi-platform, multi-format offline reader!

--- EzyBlueWave V2.01b005 00F90260
 * Origin: Milky Way, Langley, BC [604] 532-4367 (1:153/307)