Text 787, 173 rader
Skriven 2004-12-15 23:29:40 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: Joke Today[10-12-200 1/21
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Funny on 12-Dec-2004 11:45

 GS>              We Were So Poor When I Was Young..........

        -=[George Pope wrote IN a message to GREG SEARS]=-

 GP> Poverty. . . hmm. . .
   > UNEMPLOYED CANADIANS GET MORE NOOKIE!

  G-day George Pope, how about the employed Canucks? ;-))

> OBJoke: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

                             Seasons Greetings

The usual large  flamboyant  typeface associated with the seasons
greetings has  been downsized this year commensurate with the trend toward
corporate downsizing.

The  recent announcement that  Donner and  Blitzen have elected to take
the early  reindeer  retirement package  has triggered  a good  deal of
concern about  whether  they  will  be  replaced,  and  about  other
restructuring decisions at the North Pole.

Streamlining was  appropriate in view of the reality that the North Pole
no longer  dominates the  season's gift distribution business.   Home
shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market
share and he could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the
profit picture.

The reindeer  downsizing was made  possible through the  purchase of a
late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip.   Improved
productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the  Harvard Business
School, is anticipated and  should take up  the  slack with no
discernible loss of service.  Reduction in reindeer will also lessen
airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has been cited
and received unfavorable press.

I  am  pleased  to inform  you  and  yours that Rudolph's  role will not
be disturbed.  Tradition still counts for something at the North Pole.

Management  denies,  in  the strongest possible language,  the earlier
leak that  Rudolph's nose got  that way  not from  the cold,  but from
substance abuse.   Calling Rudolph  "a lush who was into the sauce and
never did pull his share of the load"  was an unfortunate comment,  made
by one of Santa's helpers and taken out of context at a  time of year when
he is known to be under executive stress.

As a  further  restructuring, today's global  challenges  require the
North Pole to continue to  look for better,  more competitive steps.
Effective immediately,  the  following  economy  measures are  to  take
place in  the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:

The partridge will  be retained,  but the pear tree  never turned out to
be the cash crop forecasted.   It will be replaced by a plastic hanging
plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance.

The  two turtle  doves  represent  a  redundancy  that  is simply not
cost effective.   In  addition, their  romance during working hours could
not be condoned.  The positions are therefore eliminated.

The  three French  hens  will remain intact.  After all, everyone loves
the French.

The  four calling  birds  were replaced  by an automated voice mail
system, with a  call waiting  option.  An analysis is underway to
determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they
talked.

The five golden rings  have  been put on  hold by  the Board  of
Directors.  Maintaining  a  portfolio  based  on  one  commodity  could
have  negative implications  for  institutional  investors.
Diversification  into  other precious  metals as well  as  a  mix of
T-Bills and high technology stocks appear to be in order.

The six geese-a-laying constitutes  luxury which  an no longer be
afforded.  It has long been  felt that  the production  rate of one  egg
per goose per day  is an  example  of the  decline in  productivity.
Three geese will be let go, and  an upgrading  in the  selection
procedure by  personnel  will assure management  that from now on every
goose it gets will be a good one.

The seven swans-a-swimming  is  obviously a  number chosen in better
times.  The function  is primarily  decorative.   Mechanical  swans  are
on order.  The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes
and therefore enhance their outplacement.

As  you  know, the  eight  maids-a-milking  concept  has  been  under
heavy scrutiny  by  the  EEOC.   A male/female  balance in the workforce
is being sought.  The  more  militant  maids  consider  this a dead-end
job with no upward  mobility.  Automation of  the  process may  permit the
maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching.

Nine ladies  dancing has  always been an odd number.  This function will
be phased out as these individuals  grow older and can no longer do the
steps.

Ten Lords-a-leaping is  overkill.   The high cost of Lords plus the
expense of  international  air  travel  prompted  the    Compensation
Committee to suggest  replacing  this  group with ten  out-of-work
congressmen.   While leaping  ability  may be  somewhat sacrificed, the
savings are significant because we expect an  oversupply of unemployed
congressmen this year.

Eleven pipers  piping and twelve  drummers drumming is a simple case of
the band getting too big.  A substitution with  a string quartet, a
cutback on new music and no uniforms will produce  savings which  will
drop right down to the bottom line.

We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals
and other  expenses.  Though incomplete, studies indicate stretching
deliveries over twelve  days is  inefficient.  If we can drop ship in one
day, service levels will be improved.

Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking
expansion to  include  the legal  profession  ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing")
action is pending.

Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary
in the future to stay competitive.  Should that happen, the Board will
request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division  to see if seven
dwarfs is the right number.  Happy Holidays!


> OBJoke: for Mr. <+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")

    THE TEX-MEX VERSION OF "THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS"
                  Jim and Nita Lee (Dec. 1972)

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the casa,
Not a creature ws stirring -- Caramba!  Que pasa?
Los ninos were tucked away in their camas,
Some in long underwear, some in pijamas,
While hanging the stockings with mucho cuidado
In hopes that old Santa would feel obligado
To bring all children, both buenos and malos,
A nice batch of dulces and other regalos.
Outside in the yard there arose such a grito
That I jumped to my feet like a fightened cabrito.
I ran to the window and looked out afuera,
And who in the world do you think that it era?
Saint Nick in a sleigh and a big red sombrero
Came dashing along like a crazy bombero.
And pulling his sleigh instead of venados
Were eight little burros approaching volados.
I watched as they came and this quaint little hombre
Was shouting and whistling and calling by nombre:
"Ay Pancho, ay Pepe, ay Cuco, ay Beto,
Ay Chato, ay Chopo, Macuco, y Nieto!"
Then standing erect with his hands on his pecho
He flew to the top of our very own techo.
With his round little belly like a bowl of jalea,
He struggled to squeeze down our old chiminea,
Then huffing and puffing at last in our sala,
With soot smeared all over his red suit de gala,
He filled all the stockings with lovely regalos --
For none of the ninos had been very malos.
Then chuckling aloud, seeming very contento,
He turned like a flash and was gone like the viento.
And I heard him exclaim, and this is verdad,
Merry Christmas to all, and Feliz Navidad!



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