Text 1594, 137 rader
Skriven 2004-08-31 07:18:06 av BOB SAKOWSKI (1:123/140)
Ärende: Hilarious!
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Deserter Bush Attacks
A Wounded Vietnam Vet
By Michael Moore
8-29-4
 

It Takes Real Courage to Desert Your Post and Then Attack a Wounded Vet
 
Dear Mr. Bush,
 
I know you and I have had our differences in the past, and I realize I am
the one who started this whole mess about "who did what" during Vietnam
when I brought up that "deserter" nonsense back in January. But I have to
hand it to you on what you have uncovered about John Kerry and his record
in Vietnam. Kerry has tried to pass himself off as a war hero, but thanks
to you and your friends, we now know the truth.
 
First of all, thank you for pointing out to all of us that Mr. Kerry was
never struck by a BULLET. It was only SHRAPNEL that entered his body! I did
not know that! Hell, what's the big deal about a bunch of large, sharp,
metal shards ripping open your flesh? That happens to all of us! In my
opinion, if you want a purple heart, you'd better be hit with a bullet --
with your name on it!
 
Secondly, thank you for sending Bob Dole out there and letting us know that
Mr. Kerry, though wounded three times, actually "never spilled blood." When
you are in the debates with Kerry, turn to him and say, "Dammit, Mr. Kerry,
next time you want a purple heart, you better spill some American red
blood! And I don't mean a few specks like those on O.J.'s socks -- we want
to see a good pint or two of blood for each medal. In fact, I would have
preferred that you had bled profusely, a big geyser of blood spewing out of
your neck or something!" Then throw this one at him: "Senator Kerry, over
58,000 brave Americans gave their lives in Vietnam -- but YOU didn't. You
only got WOUNDED! What do you have to say for yourself???" Lay that one on
him and he won't know what to do.
 
And thanks, also, Mr. Bush, for exposing the fact that Mr. Kerry might have
actually WOUNDED HIMSELF in order to get those shiny medals. Of course he
did! How could the Viet Cong have hit him -- he was on a SWIFT boat! He was
going too fast to be hit by enemy fire. He tried to blow himself up three
different times just so he could go home and run for president someday.
It's all so easy to see, now, what he was up to.
 
What would we do without you, Mr. Bush? Criticize you as we might, when it
comes to pointing out other men's military records, there is no one who can
touch your prowess. In 2000, you let out the rumor that your opponent John
McCain might be "nuts" from the 5 years he spent in a POW camp. Then, in
the 2002 elections, your team compared triple-amputee Sen. Max Cleland to
Osama bin Laden, and that cost him the election. And now you are having the
same impact on war hero John Kerry. Since you (oops, I mean "The Swift Boat
Veterans for Truth!") started running those ads, Kerry's polls numbers have
dropped (with veterans, he has lost 18 points in the last few weeks).
 
Some people have said "Who are you, Mr. Bush, to attack these brave men
considering you yourself have never seen combat -- in fact, you actively
sought to avoid it." What your critics fail to understand is that even
though your dad got you into a unit that would never be sent to Vietnam --
and even though you didn't show up for Guard duty for at least a year -- at
least you were still IN FAVOR of the Vietnam War! Cowards like Clinton felt
it was more important to be consistent (he opposed the war, thus he refused
to go) than to be patriotic and two-faced.
 
The reason that I think you know so much about other men's war wounds is
because, during your time you in the Texas Air National Guard, you suffered
so many of them yourself. Consider the paper cut you received on September
22, 1972, while stationed in Alabama, working on a Senate campaign for your
dad's friend (when you were supposed to be on the Guard base). A campaign
brochure appeared from nowhere, ambushing your right index finger, and
blood trickled out onto your brand new argyle sweater.
 
Then there was the incident with the Crazy Glue when your fraternity
brothers visited you one weekend at the base and glued your lips together
while you were "passed out." Though initially considered "friendly fire,"
it was later ruled that you suffered severe post traumatic stress disorder
from the assault and required certain medicinal attention -- which, it
seems, was provided by those same fraternity brethren.
 
But nothing matched your heroism when, on July 2, 1969, you sustained a
massive head injury when enemy combatants from another Guard unit dropped a
keg of Coors on your head during a reconnaissance mission at a nearby
all-girls college. Fortunately, the cool, smooth fluids that poured out of
the keg were exactly what was needed to revive you.
 
That you never got a purple heart for any of these incidents is a shame. I
can fully appreciate your anger at Senator Kerry for the three he received.
I mean, Kerry was a man of privilege, he could have gotten out just like
you. Instead, he thinks he's going to gain points with the American people
bragging about how he was getting shot at every day in the Mekong Delta.
Ha! Is that the best he can do? Hell, I hear gunfire every night outside my
apartment window! If he thinks he is going to impress anyone with the fact
that he volunteered to go when he could have spent the Vietnam years on the
family yacht, he should think again. That only shows how stupid he was!
True-blue Americans want a president who knows how to pull strings and work
the system and get away with doing as little work as possible!
 
So, to make it up to you, I have written some new ads you can use on TV.
People will soon tire of the swift boat veterans and you are going to need
some fresh, punchier material. Feel free to use any of these:
 
ANNOUNCER: "When the bullets were flying all around him in Vietnam, what
did John Kerry do? He said he leaned over the boat and 'pulled a man out of
the river.' But, as we all know, men don't live in the river -- fish do.
John Kerry knows how to tell a big fish tale. What he won't tell you is
that when the enemy was shooting at him, he ducked. Do you want a president
who will duck? Vote Bush."
 
ANNOUNCER: "Mr. Kerry's biggest supporter, Sen. Max Cleland, claims to have
lost two legs and an arm in Vietnam. But he still has one arm! How did that
happen? One word: Cowardice. When duty called, he was unwilling to give his
last limb. Is that the type of selfishness you want hanging out in the
White House? We think not. Vote for the man who would be willing to give
America his right frontal lobe. Vote Bush."
 
Hope these help, Mr. Bush. And remember, when the American death toll in
Iraq hits 1,000 during the Republican convention, be sure to question
whether those who died really did indeed "die" -- or were they just trying
to get their face on CNN's nightly tribute to fallen heroes? The sixteen
who've died so far this week were probably working hand in hand with the
Kerry campaign to ruin your good time in New York. Stay consistent, sir,
and always, ALWAYS question the veracity of anyone who risks their life for
this country. It's the least they deserve.
 
Yours,
 
Michael Moore
mmflint@aol.com
www.michaelmoore.com
 
 
PS. George, I know you said you don't read the newspaper, but USA Today has
given me credentials to the Republican convention to write a guest column
each day next week (Tues.-Fri.). If you don't want to read it, you and I
will be in the same building so maybe I could come by and read it to you?
Lemme know..
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