Text 1296, 87 rader
Skriven 2006-06-21 13:00:02 av George Pope (1:153/7715.0)
   Kommentar till text 1110 av Lee Lofaso (1:123/140)
Ärende: Nuking the UN
=====================
LL> GP>How to Get Rid of Jehovah Witnesses
LL>
LL> Nice collection.  My late great-grandmother had a grand old time
LL> whenever JW's came a-visiting.  She'd invite them in, let them talk
LL> as long as they wanted, then when they finished she'd insist they stick
LL> around and let her tell them about *her* religion.  Not many returned
LL> for a second visit.  Especially since the coffee she served was the
LL> most god-awful tasting coffee imaginable.  I have the recipe, if
LL> anybody is interested.

I probably have the same coffee recipe -- am I right that a key ingredient is a
pair of well-steeped-in-foot-juice wool socks?

I did somewhat the same, as I documented once years ago. . .

Do you want an always useful response to the religiod peddlars coming to your
door too early in the morning?

Them: "We're here from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints"
Me: (slamming door on body part(s): "Next time try coming LATTER in the day!"

Convert THEM!!! (eventually, as they lose members come to see you, your home
gets put on a do-not-visit list...)

I was an athiest then, so my whole conversion gig was to use their materials to
convert them from JW-ism to NOTHING!!!

I would modify this now to:

     Have a copy of Kingdom of the Cults(listing of many cults and a good deal
     of background on each); when you see the JWs in the 'hood, open the book
     at random... THAT's what you're going to convert this crew to!


(don't have a copy of that book? Grab any book(dictionary, whatever) and pick a
word at random and invent a religion based on that word...

                 {original by George A. Pope, Cyberpope, 09/19/98}
eg. I reach onto my bookshelf and get a mechanic's book, open it randomly (pg
137) point my finger... hmmm... carburator... tough one!

<bing bong> (doorbell)
<I open door>
JW: Good morning, sir, are you interested in learning more about G-d's plan for
    eternity?
Me: Thank-you, but I have my own connection to G-d.
JW: What is your religion, sir, may I ask?
Me: It's Carb-you-rate-ism
JW: Pardon?
Me: In my many years working as a dietician, I learned that G-d has encoded
    Himself in complex carbohydrate molecules.  You must be aware that all
    carbohydrate molecules have a Hydrogen base?
JW: errr?
Me: What's the atomic number for Hydrogen?
JW: errrm?
Me: ONE!! Is it not written that "G-d is one"?
JW: <thinking he has an opportunity to get back on topic(HIS topic!)> <opens a
    book and starts fumbling for the verses> Yes, it is, as it says right here
    in Dude-a-rotten-meat -7 verse 512: "G-d is one"; and....
Me: <interrupting> no AND about it, HEATHEN!!!! G-d is ONE!!! Hydrogen is
    ONE!!! Hydrogen is THE building block of carbon-rated life.
    <I visibly calm down for effect> I'm sorry, sir, but I do get taken up in
    rapture when I contemplate the wonderful one-ness of G-d that He revealed
    to me in the complex carbohydrate molecule!  THINK about it: You and I have
    G-d within us... He is THE necessary component for man's survival, is that
    not right?
[ ...snipped... ]

JW: and may the proteins and enzymes of your love envelop me forever, amen.
Me: Praise the L-rd, my new brother, you are now saved... remember: complex
    carbohydrates, so go out and fill your freezer with whole grain breads...
JW: Thank-you, sir.  I cannot believe I originally came here to convert YOU!
Me: What did you have for breakfast today?
JW: bacon, eggs, and toast...
Me: What kind of toast?
JW: I don't know, brown bread, maybe?
Me: THERE you have it!!! You invited G-d into you today and didn't even KNOW
    it!  He obviously led you here to me today.
JW: Ahhh, yes, I see... I'm going to go spread the word to my former missionary
    partners.
Me: Go in peace, my brother...  <I shake his hand and close the door after
    him>

... nfx v3.1 What if there were no hypothetical questions?                   

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 * Origin: The BandMaster, Vancouver BC, CANADA (1:153/7715)