Text 374, 65 rader
Skriven 2006-08-02 23:56:08 av Ardith Hinton (1:153/716.0)
    Kommentar till text 371 av James Bradley (1:134/77.0)
Ärende: The World Turns...  2.
==============================
Hi again, James!  This is a continuation of my previous message:

JB>  I wouldn't consider myself superior by dragging someone
JB>  through the dirt. Quite the opposite, and you knew that.


         Yes.  When Nora was about six years old she went through a stage where
she couldn't seem to get her mind around the notion that if she liked milk, for
example, it was all right if I liked milk too.  It's a stage in which some kids
believe that if person xxx is their friend this person can't be allowed to have
other friends.  I suppose it may be when kids start to come to terms with their
own individuality & need to feel unique.  But I see a lot of grownups acting in
much the same way.  They apparently think they can make themselves look good by
making others look bad... and it may work often enough that they see no need to
change.  It may also be a sign of a wounded six-year-old in an adult body.  :-/



JB>  I wasn't trained to think that way, as my parents are
JB>  quite a pair of nay-sayers, but I made a concerted
JB>  effort to smarten up, exactly to that point.


         So it worked for you... that's good!  There's where a person might say
"Hmm, I suppose they have a point" & try to make a few positive changes, or say
"Okay, I'll show you" & try to match others' expectations and/or alleged record
... or go away & crawl under a rock because others' standards are unattainable.
Many people of my parents' age... and, I regret to say, some of their offspring
... feel they shouldn't comment on what others are doing right.  They feel that
a person who is doing everything right is merely doing what's expected of them,
and such a person may get a swelled head if they receive any positive feedback.
As a result of that sort of upbringing I resolved to tell people what I thought
they were doing right.  I think I'm a better person for it.  But I also see how
such a line of reasoning can be used in a manipulative way.  If I'm preoccupied
with showing others I'm not as bad as they believe I am, for example, I may not
notice whether they are living up to their apparent opinion of themselves.  :-)



JB>  I also have exposure to parents, that I can usually jab
JB>  with a quirk which might not be considered flattering.


         I gather they can dish it out, but they can take it too....  :-)



JB>  In humour I can usually breach otherwise uncomfortable
JB>  subjects. When I try to transplant that cutting humour,
JB>  it doesn't always work out as intended.


         Humour is a great tool... but it doesn't always transplant well.  When
I was younger I often kept my sense of humour hidden because other folks seemed
to be offended by it.  Now I tend to let it all hang out because it helps me to
distinguish the intuitive people from those who need to be told "This is a joke
... laugh here!"  Even so, I found it hard to accept that certain people felt I
was too serious when I shared jokes which had other oncology parents rolling in
the aisles.  Maybe humour depends to some extent on shared experiences....  :-)




--- timEd/386 1.10.y2k+
 * Origin: Wits' End, Vancouver CANADA (1:153/716)