Text 383, 92 rader
Skriven 2006-08-23 14:42:05 av Ardith Hinton (1:153/716.0)
    Kommentar till text 380 av James Bradley (1:134/77.0)
Ärende: Anger
=============
Hi, James!  Recently you wrote in a message to Ardith Hinton:

AH>  I'm not trying to talk you out of feeling the way you
AH>  do... I'm just brainstorming (as usual).

JB>  Understood, and I have to expect that my moaning isn't
JB>  going to afflict you too severely. At least I hope so.


          No problem.  Sometimes I'm not sure how to respond at first... but it
gets me thinking, and inspires me to review the principles upon which this echo
is based.  I imagine they probably should be reiterated once in awhile....  :-)



AH>  if you play the hand you've been dealt without
AH>  making unnecessary judgements you won't be spending
AH>  a lot of mental/emotional energy on what might have
AH>  been.  That's my preference....  :-)

JB>  I guess I'd like that to be my preference too, but
JB>  I'll likely die at least a bit bitter. I know that
JB>  could serve no good, but it just is.

JB>  Maybe being iatrogenic in cause, gives me a solid
JB>  target to blame?


          Yes, if you need one right now.  For a lot of people in recovery from
abuse that's an improvement on blaming themselves.  Sometimes they get stuck on
the idea, sometimes they grow to a point where it's not necessary to lay blame.
The latter is an ongoing process, however, and Rome wasn't built in a day.  :-)



JB>  And the manner I have been treated, doesn't help
JB>  their cause either. When a lady from my hometown
JB>  asked, "You're not mad are you?" Dammed straight
JB>  I'm mad.


          Uh-huh.  When the Dalai Lama says he no longer feels angry, I believe
him.  I also note with interest that he attributes his frame of mind to decades
of meditation & to empathy for others... he is sharing a piece of his road map.
But IMHO the vast majority of ordinary folks, including the lady from your home
town, aren't there yet.  From my viewpoint I'd say you're doing the right thing
by acknowledging your feelings, then taking a closer look at what's going on in
your mind.  Some people try to take a short cut by saying (in effect) "Oh dear,
it's not nice to be angry!" and denying that they have such feelings when I can
practically see their anger rolling off my computer screen.  Since repression &
denial can make people sick, I prefer to tackle such feelings directly....  :-)



JB>  To no fault of my own, I've been subjected to all
JB>  sorts of abuse, and ill-treatment, often from the
JB>  people who were in charge of my situation, that it
JB>  never arrive at the place it is now. Now that it is,
JB>  their solution is to distance themselves from the
JB>  calamity.


          It would be easier sometimes if other folks could bring themselves to
say "Sorry, I screwed up."  You can't control what they do.  But as you've said
to me on occasion... you know that.  You're focusing on the choices you make in
dealing with your feelings, which will be more productive in the long run.  :-)



JB>  It really is good for my prior healthcare providers
JB>  I'm *not* a vindictive man.


          And healthier for you too, IMHO....  :-)



JB>  Still, I offer suggestions about how they may have
JB>  failed in their treatment of me, and nobody listens.
JB>  They are literally shooting themselves in the foot,
JB>  and they hand a gun to many patients. I can not feel
JB>  empathy for them, as they showed none to me.


          Not yet... but you realize you're mirroring what you see in them, and
that's an important perception.  Again, I think you're on the right track.  :-)




--- timEd/386 1.10.y2k+
 * Origin: Wits' End, Vancouver CANADA (1:153/716)