Text 58, 155 rader
Skriven 2005-03-07 15:33:14 av James Bradley (1:134/77.0)
     Kommentar till en text av Ardith Hinton
Ärende: Introductions...  2B.
=============================
James Bradley wrote to Ardith Hinton, "Introductions...  2B."

 AH> I've often wished I could be more tactful myself... and I'm
 AH> not  quite sure what you're thinking of here.  But you reported
 AH> elsewhere that you'd said "[So-and-So] is a pain the butt!"
 AH> when someone saw you fighting back tears.  I wouldn't
 AH> expect you to say "His apparent inability to understand how
 AH> I feel is causing such a strain on me, emotionally &
 AH> physically, that it has exacerbated the pain in the upper
 AH> end of my sciatic nerve" at a time when you're obviously
 AH> feeling overwhelmed.  Either way, I think it's an important
 AH> point... one which might be a lot more clear to a lot more
 AH> people when it's expressed succinctly.

No, you can't blow so much wind when you're just wanting a person to get out of
your face. When they are being a pain, I tend to call them a pain. Guess I'll
never be a politician. <G> 

Tact to me means you don't say something that could come back to haunt you
later. Say in a business situation, or as a consumer, there are ways to allow
people grace, while you are tearing their faces off. Maybe I could make a good
politician. <EG>

 AH> I agree that your remark was amusing because you'd
 AH> inadvertently  told the other person more than they expected to hear.

I don't recall the remark you speak of. I do often floor people with my frank
approach though, so it'd be just like me.

 AH> I  also find it amusing that the metaphor was literally true,
 AH> however... I'd have laughed the way I do when Nora comes up with a
 AH> word or  turn of phrase I haven't heard her use before.  I was
 AH> delighted when she burped & commented "That's the aftermath
 AH> of the calcium pill," for example.  The element of surprise
 AH> is one of the factors which makes such incidents amusing.
 AH> Another is a certain willingness to think outside the
 AH> box... people who can't do that don't appreciate
 AH> spontaneous wit or experience the joy of discovery.  They'd
 AH> be horrified because Nora didn't say "Excuse me" and
 AH> overlook many of the good things Dallas & I see happening
 AH> there... (sigh).

L!!! Ya... Just like most people to have their nickers on too tight. I guess I
was blessed with parents that have a sense of the ridiculous. They can both be
pretty funny. Shoot, even the extended family can be pretty funny come to think
about it.

 AH> I see that you have the capacity for introspection, together
 AH> with  the ability to empathize with others... and I think these
 AH> will take you a long way toward your goal.  I don't see any

Ya, I just need some goals now. <L>

 AH> indication that you routinely blame others, as some people
 AH> do when they are unable to acknowledge their anger or
 AH> recognize what triggered it, and I don't see any indication
 AH> that you were "name-calling" in So-and-So's presence or in
 AH> the presence of someone who was likely to report to him
 AH> what you'd said.  However, the above anecdote tells me you
 AH> have grasped the idea of the mind/body connection... a very
 AH> valuable insight... and IMHO no amount of politically
 AH> correct language will save people who are afraid to open
 AH> their minds in case some new ideas might get in.  Language
 AH> is a tool just as a musical instrument is.  It can limit
 AH> thought... or help refine it.  And if you can express
 AH> clearly what needs to be said, I'm reluctant to
 AH> interfere....  :-)

Cheers! You're a bloomers kinda girl. <BWEG>

 JB>  What is kinda irking me now, is the sister that
 JB>  researched the neuroma, professed to NOW understand
 JB>  what I might be going through. She means well, but
 JB>  she must not have been listening, or just plain not
 JB>  paying attention for the past few years.


 AH> Hmm... I've found myself in situations like this.  If your
 AH> sister  has actually read the stuff & she understands what she's
 AH> read, I guess it's better late than never.  I imagine you

You got that right. It's just like them to be full of their own notions though.
I guess that can be true for most of us. As long as the song's in "Our key"
everything is peachy. Comes a minor key, and you can spot the Laurence Welk
crowd in a heartbeat. I rescued an old piece of gear from a music store that
was about to be disassembled. On it was a cartoon of a bar room in a Western
scene. The caption read, "Minor key, Jim. Bad guy comin' in." To this day, my
buddy and I laugh about the shortcut, "Minor key, Jim." Inevitably, the tough
guy tries to pick a fight with someone.

 AH> might be feeling rather frustrated at present, though, if
 AH> your earlier attempts to communicate the same ideas didn't
 AH> register and/or if her offerings are biased in favour of
 AH> what she thinks you should do.

Well, I guess there is some of that. I think most of it made me realize *why* I
repeat myself so much. "THEY DON'T BLOODY WELL LISTEN!" There, I feel better
now. {-|

A friend was well meaning, but petulant about miracle cures. The last one was
oregano oil extract. Until that one, I could always say, "Done that." When I
said that I eat oregano in food, he said I should mass dose on it, and if it
wasn't true, they couldn't advertise it on talk-radio. I had to tell him how
gullible I thought he was on that one.

As for the family, I suppose they think - like I used to - that I just had to
be referred to the right facility in California, and I'd be fixed. I know they
just want me to be my former self, as do I to a degree, but what is done is
done. Like I wrote elsewhere a do-over would be nice, but that rarely happens
in real life. The tumour I had - as I understand it - today would be left
alone.

 AH> I think it's important to realize that they probably regard
 AH> their  own behaviour as loving & caring, even when you don't...
 AH> but expecting yourself to feel a certain way because you
 AH> "should" is counterproductive.  Such people can try the
 AH> patience of a saint, and it is very wearing when they keep
 AH> this up for years on end.  It's also hazardous to the
 AH> health to stifle one's feelings time after time in order to
 AH> avoid confrontation.  I'd say your feelings are telling you
 AH> something!  The challenge is in achieving a suitable
 AH> balance....  :-)

Well, that speaks volumes. I'm pretty sure I've presented my frustration with
an even temperament, and a clause "I know you mean well, but..." I've told mom
MANY times that if someone tries to play me any more whale music, I'm RUNNING
out of their office, dressed or not. White noise is more relaxing.

 JB>  preconceived ideas of what I need at the door, shut
 JB>  up, and listen. (For 0a change. |-)

 AH> I wish I could add some bright ideas here, but in my
 AH> experience a  lot of people don't get it unless... or even if... I
 AH> speak  quite bluntly.  Some of them have thanked me later, and
 AH> others still can't fathom what I was on about. I'm inclined
 AH> to think dealing with human beings is as much an art as a
 AH> science
 AH> ... meaning the results are not always predictable.

I was in Vancouver on Sept. 11 '01. Let's just say some of the conversations
were *interesting.*

 AH> However, I may be able to suggest a few books when you're
 AH> done with the stuff your sister found....  ;-)

...And I've finished this Linux study, and my doctor and I finish sousing out
my situation, and I get my house livable again... 

I don't have a problem. Everyone else does. O-8

... I'll procrastinate tomorrow.
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