Text 1848, 157 rader
Skriven 2005-04-21 10:14:30 av George Pope (1:153/307.11)
   Kommentar till text 1779 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
Ärende: Story
=============
On (20 Apr 05) Greg Sears wrote to George Pope...
 GS>  GP> So far the only unauthorized access attempts are by my cat, and
 GS> my
 GS>    > simply closing the lid keeps her out just fine!
 GS>
 GS>   G-day George Pope, good to hear you are one of the ~new-age~ jokers
 GS> that
 GS>                      drop the lid when you zip your flap for a female!

Why is that good to hear?
I'm only doing it for the CAT!!!

 GS>   G-day George Pope, cool- that may work in north-america Mate.
 GS> Down-under
 GS>                            the  shitter*room  is a different room from
 GS> the
 GS>                            bath, shower & sink-room! '-)

Yes, here, sometimes, too, but don't you have "loos" occasionally (eg.
downstairs when the main bathing room is UP?) which have just a toilet &
sink?

 GS> I also saw a dead animal lying in the center of the road, which
 GS> isn't all that unusual.  It might have been a groundhog or a
 GS> racoon -- when it's flattened out, it gets kinda tough to tell.
 GS> But this animal had one unusual distinguising characteristic...
 GS>   ...two bright yellow lines running straight across his back!

I have the actual photograph of this scene! If you don't, ask me at my
telus addy and I'll send it to you!

 GS>   Would the invention of the telephone ever have gotten off the ground
 GS> if Alexander Graham Bell's first call had gone ...
 GS>
 GS>   Bell: Mr. Watson, come here; I want you.
 GS> Voice: If you know Watson's extension, press 1 now. If you would like
 GS> to leave a message for Watson, press 2 now ...

"If you want the default personal message from Watson to you, press 3
now."
                "3"
"Fuck off, you lousy slavemaster -- I'm on my break, shagging your wife
& daughters down at the Local!  PS, I quit!"

 GS> slew of other telecommunication doodads. Call waiting, Caller ID, and
 GS> last number redial are fine, but here are some options that can't be
 GS> far behind:

I could use a few of those mayhaps. . .

telephony, is it?


        Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone
call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it.  A man answered
nicely saying, "Hello?"
        I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak
to Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't
believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct
number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits.
        After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying
there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once
more answered, I yelled "You're a jerk!" and hung up. Next to his phone
number I wrote the word "Jerk," and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple
of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him
up. He'd answer, and then I'd yell, "You're a jerk!"  It would always
cheer me up.
        Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was
a real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jerk. Then
one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello."
I made up a name. "Hi. This is Herman with the telephone company and I'm
just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program?"
        He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him
back and said, "That's because you're a jerk!" And the reason I took the
time to tell you this story, is to show you how if there's ever anything
really bothering you, you can do something about it. Just dial 722-4822.
        A little while later this old lady at the mall really took her
time pulling out of the parking space. I didn't think she was ever going
to leave.  Finally her car began to move and she started to very slowly
back out of the stall. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of
room to pull out. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving.
        All of a sudden this black Camaro comes flying up the parking
aisle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I started honking
my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that, Buddy. I was here first!"
The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward
the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, this guy's a
jerk, there's sure a lot of jerks in this world. I noticed he had a For
Sale sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I
hunted for another place to park.
        A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just
gotten off the phone after calling 722-4822 and yelling, "You're a jerk!"
(It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial).
I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my
desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too. After a couple rings
someone answered the phone and said, "Hello."  I said, "Is this the man
with the black Camaro for sale?"
        "Yes it is."
        "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
        "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the
car's parked right out front."
        I said, "What's your name?"
        "My name is Don Hansen." "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
        "I'm home in the evenings."
        "Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
        "Yes."
        "Don, you're a jerk!" And I slammed the phone down.  After I hung
up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer.
        For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I
had a problem I had two jerks to call. Then after several months of
calling the jerks and hanging up on them, the whole thing started to seem
like an obligation. It just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave
the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution.
      First, I had my phone dial Jerk #1. A man answered nicely
aying,"Hello." I yelled "You're a jerk!"  But I didn't hang up. The jerk
said, "Are you still there?" I said,
        "Yeah.."
        He said, "Stop calling me."
        I said, "No."
        He said, "What's your name, Pal?"
        I said, "Don Hansen."
        "Where do you live?"
        "1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro's
parked out front."
        "I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your
prayers."
        "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jerk!" and I hung up.
        Then I called Jerk #2. He answered, "Hello."
        I said, "Hello, Jerk!"
        He said, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?"
        "I'll kick your butt."
        "Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jerk!" And I
hung up.
        Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them a
big gang fight was going down at 1802 West 34th Street. After that I
climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole
thing. I turned onto 34th Street and parked my car under the shade of a
tree half a block from Jerk #2's house. There were two guys fighting out
front.
        Suddenly there were about 12 police cars and a helicopter. The
police wrestled the two men to the ground and took them away. A couple of
months go by and I get a call for jury duty. I was picked to be on a trial
of two guys charged with disorderly conduct...



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