Text 1850, 126 rader
Skriven 2005-04-21 14:56:04 av George Pope (1:153/307.11)
     Kommentar till en text av ceri@twmba.net
Ärende: Pittsburgh Driver's Test
================================
On (20 Apr 05) ceri@twmba.net wrote to All...
 c > Pittsburgh Driver's Test

And further of the sort. . .


Yesterday my son came home and said, "I have good news and
bad news. The good news is - I got 18 out of 20 on my driver's
test."

I said, "Great! Now what's the bad news?"

He said, "They were pedestrians."

Change states, the sentiment barely changes. . .

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
         23 Basic rules for Driving in Texas
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 1. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how
    many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as
    you sit in the left lane waiting for the jerks to squeeze
    their way back in before hitting the orange construction
    barrels.

 2. Turn signals are clues as to your next move. A real Texas
    driver never uses them.

 3. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance
    between you and the car in front of you or the space will be
    filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more
    dangerous situation.

 4. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is
    considered "going with the flow".

 5. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the
    chance you have of getting hit.

 6. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive
    body work.

 7. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to insure
    that your ABS kick in giving a nice relaxing foot massage as
    the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's
    a chance to stretch your legs.

 8. Construction signs tell you about road closures immediately
    after you pass the last exit before the traffic begins to
    back up.

 9. The new electronic traffic warning system signs are not there
    to provide useful information. They are only there to make
    Texas look high-tech and to distract you from seeing the
    police car parked in the median.

10. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a
    good way to scare people entering the highway.

11. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions
    and apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush
    hour.

12. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed
    up or move over doesn't mean that a Texas driver flashing his
    high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your
    spot.

13. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut
    during rush hour traffic in any major Texas city.

14. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or
    even someone changing a tire.

15. Throwing litter on the roads adds variety to the landscape,
    keeps the existing litter from getting lonely and gives
    Adopt-a-Highway crews something to clean up.

16. Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours,
    especially pickup truck drivers with stickers of Calvin peeing
    on a Ford, Dodge or Chevy logo.

17. Learn to swerve abruptly. Texas is the home of high-speed
    slalom driving thanks to the DOT, which puts potholes in key
    locations to test drivers reflexes and keeps them on their
    toes.

18. It is traditional in Texas to honk your horn at cars that
    don't move the instant the light changes.

19. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of
    way.

20. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and
    left before proceeding.

21. Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain are no reasons to change any
    of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are
    Gods way of ensuring a natural selection process for body
    shops, junk yards and new vehicle sales.

22. Remember that the goal of every Texas driver is to get there
    first,by whatever means necessary.

23. Real Texas  women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye
    makeup and talk on the cell phone at seventy-five miles per
    hour in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Real Texas men drivers can
    remove pantyhose and a bra at seventy five miles per hour in
    bumper-to-bumper traffic.



Your Moderator and all-round friend/servant,
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Internet: gapope@vcn.bc.ca
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