Text 1898, 103 rader
Skriven 2005-05-02 08:21:34 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
     Kommentar till en text av DAVE COBLE
Ärende: Re: PARENTAL PHRASES
============================
Funny

  G-day DAVE COBLE,

  The worst kind of reducing pill is the one who keeps telling you
how he (she) did it.

  If you really want to lose weight, there are only three things you
must give up:
  breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Then ---------------------------------------

  A druggist posted this sign on the entry door:
  "Smoking, or forgetting your wife's birthday, and be hazardous
to your health."

Then ---------------------------------------

Teacher:  What is the axis of the earth?
Student:  The axis of the earth is an imaginary line which passes from
          one pole to the other, and on which the earth revolves.
Teacher:  Very good.  Now, could you hang clothes on that line?
Student:  Yes, Sir.
Teacher:  Indeed, and what sort of clothes?
Student:  Imaginary clothes, Sir.

Then ---------------------------------------

Boy:  Please whisper those three little words that will make me
      walk on air.
Girl: Go hang yourself.

Then ---------------------------------------

   One sunday morning the local drunk staggers into the Pentecostal
Church just in time to see the local town pump swearing her soul to the
Lord.
  "Brothers" she screamed, "3 weeks ago I be in da arms of a soldier."
  "Amen" shouts the congregation.
  "2 weeks ago, I be in da arms of a sailor" screams the hooker.  Again
the congregation responds with a mighty  "Amen".
  Then at the top of her lungs she yells, "Las' week I be in da arms of
a marine but tonight brothers and sisters, I be in da arms of da Lord."
  At this the drunk stands up, cheers, and yells, "Atta girl Liza, you
fuck em all."

Then ---------------------------------------

    Between the innocence of babyhood and the dignity of manhood we
find a delightful creature called a boy.  Boys come in assorted sizes,
weights, and colors, but all boys have the same creed: To enjoy every
second of every minute of every hour of every day and to protest
noisily (their only weapon) when the last minute has come and the
adult males pack them off to bed at night.
    Boys are found everywhere--on top of, underneath, inside of,
climbing on, swinging from, running around, or jumping to.  Mothers
love them, little girls hate them, older brothers and sisters tolerate
them, adults ignore them, and  Heaven protects them.  A boy is Truth
with dirt on his face, Beauty with a cut on its finger, Wisdom with
bubble-gum in its hair, and the Hope of the future with a frog in its
pocket.
    When you are busy a boy is an inconsiderate, bothersome, intruding
jangle of noise.  When you want him to make a good impression, his
brain turns to jelly or else he becomes a savage, sadistic, jungle
creature bent on destroying the world and himself with it.
    A Boy is a composite--he has the appetite of a horse, the energy
of a pocketsized atomic bomb, the curiosity of a cat, the lungs of a
dictator, the immagination of a Paul Bunyan, the shyness of a violet,
the audacity of a steel trap, the enthusiasm of a firecracker, and
when he makes something he has five thumbs on each hand.
    He likes ice cream, knives, saws, Christmas, the boy across the
street, woods, water (in its natural habitat), large animals, Dad,
trains, Saturday mornings and fire engines.  He's not much for school,
company, books without pictures, music lessons, neckties, barbers,
girls, overcoats, adults, or bedtime.
    Nobody is so early to rise, or so late to supper.  Nobody else
gets so much fun out of trees, dogs, or breezes.  Nobody else can cram
into one pocket, a rusty knife, a half-eaten apple, 3 feet of string,
an empty plastic sack, 2 gum drops, 6 pennies, a sling shot, a chunk
of unknown substance, and a genuine super-sonic code ring with a
secret compartment.
    A boy is a magical creature--you can lock him out of your
workshop, but you can't lock him out of your heart.  You can get him
out of your study, but you can't get him out of your mind.  Might as
well give up--he is your captor, your jailer and your boss--a
freckled-face, pint-sized, cat-chasing bundle of noise.  But when you
come home at night with only the shattered pieces of your hopes and
dreams, he can mend them like new with the two magic words--"HI DAD!!"



       ,-._,-.
       \/)"(\/
 Cheers (_o_)
        /   \/)
 I C E (ÝÝ ÝÝ)
  man   oo-oo  WYSIUWYW

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