Text 384, 115 rader
Skriven 2004-10-14 18:53:00 av George Pope
     Kommentar till en text av GREG SEARS
Ärende: Ha ha
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GS> San Francisco, California - Dan White, a city supervisor, killed Mayor
GS> George Moscone and Harvey Milk, another supervisor. White's lawyers said
GS> that eating a Twinkie had made his blood sugar level rise so high, it
GS> caused his psychotic episode. this resulted in the charges against White
GS> being dropped from murder one to involuntary manslaughter.

Fair enough, if the medical experts supported it. . .

HOWEVER, if it were me, if ever the guy ever ate another Twinkie, he should be
immediately charged with First Degree Murder Attempted, because he obviously
now knows that this is a reasonable expectation of such snack!

GS> Boynton, Florida - For their attempt to raise money to attend the police
GS> academy, Michael Harrison and Kevin Carter were arrested and charged with
GS> armed robbery and murder.

Ok, I had to LOL at this one!

GS> Woburn, Massachusetts - In August 1996, police investigated complaints
GS> about the Anchor Baptist Church. The church allegedly lured kids from a
GS> nearby housing project by promising them pizza and then baptized them
GS> without their parents' permission.

Oh, BFD, so long as the Anchor Baptist Church's water bill is paid up to the
city!

GS> Pennsylvania - A bank robber was sentenced to 24 years in prison. Instead
GS> of wearing masks, he and his accomplice had thought that rubbing citric
GS> acid on their faces would somehow blur their images on the security
GS> cameras.

Invisible Ink!  Makes sense!

GS> Wandsworth, England - In 1993, Karl Watkin was sentenced to 18 months in
GS> prison for pretending to have sex with a sidewalk. In April, 1996, he was
GS> convicted of gross indecency and sentenced to 6 years in prison for
GS> simulating sexual intercourse with garbage bags. In September, he
GS> committed suicide in his cell.

Hmm. . . 6 years for PRETENDING to fuck a plastic bag!
What about all those people who really DO fuck plastic bags(okay, they're
actually made out of latex, and are usually called condoms, but still. . . )

GS> Key West, Florida - A restaurant worker killed another as the result of a
GS> heated argument over how to put silverware into a dishwasher.

I think that's why I killed my second wife!
Everybody KNOWS you put the tableware in face-down, so the heavier action of
the jets helps scrub them!

GS> Vanuatu, South Pacific - The entire 300-men-strong police force of the
GS> island nation was arrested after kidnapping a visiting politician from
GS> Australia and attempting to use the hostage as leverage in a dispute with
GS> the government concerning overtime pay.

Okay, this is a bit far-fetched, if the ENTIRE police force was arrested, who
was left to do the arresting?

GS> Tegucigalpa, Honduras - To combat the spread of HIV, prison officials at
GS> the Central Penitentiary decided to encourage male inmates to marry each
GS> other, thus vowing to be faithful to just one sexual partner. The same-
GS> sex marriages are valid only in the prison. Eight couple have already
GS> tied the knot.

Well, we know the Honduras will never be annexed to the USA so long as Shrub is
at the helm!

GS> Scarborough, England - On June 22, 1996, a totally wrecked Ford was found
GS> at the bottom of a 100-foot cliff. Police found no sign of the driver but
GS> discovered a pile of human feces on the driver's seat.

No shit, eh!  (okay, one pile of it!)

Funny?

Old news?

Too Much Tongue

''In the only typographical error that concerned me," said a 
story-teller, "it's always been a question in my mind as to whether 
it wasn't perhaps intention rather than error. It was when I was a 
young man sojourning in a village where there was only one paper and 
that a weekly. I took a girl out buggy riding one moonlight night; 
the horse, an animal from a livery stable, famous for its uncertain 
disposition, bolted and we were both thrown out. Neither one of us 
was hurt, but it made a big item for the paper nevertheless. In the 
usual florid style then prevalent I was described as the handsome and 
popular traveling man, etc., and the girl as the accomplished and 
beautiful daughter of, etc. Then the writer got down to the fine 
details of the incident and the paper said: 'It was just as the buggy 
was entering the dark and mysterious shadows of Cosman's grove that 
the horse began to plunge rear, and Miss Evelyn, fearing she would be 
kissed to death, jumped.' Miss Evelyn read the account aloud to me up 
to that point and then i went around to the newspaper office. The 
editor declared that the reporter, who was himself, had written it 
'kicked,' and he showed  me the manuscripte to prove it, but since he 
was also the chief compositor and proofreader, and was also sweet on 
Miss Evelyn himself, I always had my suspicions.

 From It Is To Laugh by Henry Martyn Kieffer, 1907


Your Moderator and all-round friend/servant,
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Internet: gapope@vcn.bc.ca
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(AKA the Bishop of ROM!)

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