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The real Ann Coulter

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

David "Ann" Coulter (born Dec. 8, 1961) is an aging left-wing
comedian who makes a living posing as a female conservative social
and political commentator, author, and syndicated columnist.
Successfully satirizing America's Conservative Right on television,
Coulter's act consists of supporting and promoting opinions that
fall far to the right of even the most rabid Republicans.

When not posing as his satirical alter-ego, Coulter describes "Ann"
as a 'total whack job, a certifiable psychopath'. "When I'm in
character I wouldn't be above kicking a baby in the face if it earns
me that thirty-second spot on Fox", he says. Coulter claims that,
unlike other right-wing American comedians, he does not even pretend
to be impartial or mentally balanced, preferring an entirely
over-the-top approach. "I want to say things that even Interpol and
the Department of Homeland Security would classify as 'extremely
annoying'," Coulter says.
"The biggest mystery," Coulter added, "is how they still think I'm a
woman after seeing my Adam's apple. It's the size of a grapefruit,
for God's sake. Even with that these conservative moronatrons still
open the car door for me and slip me their phone numbers."
Creation of Ann

The Ann character is based on a homeless woman who lived in the
alley behind Coulter's New York home. "I'd go out in the morning and
find Ann--her real name by the way--passed out from starvation,
alcohol abuse, or hypothermia," Coulter recently said on Real Time
With Bill Maher. "She was in bad shape, and I'd often have to tap
her on the shoulders to wake her so I could move my car. Well, when
she woke up suddenly, all hell would break loose. She would go into
these insane arrogant rants against her delusional demons, imagined
governmental slights, and paranoid versions of political leaders.
I'd write them down word-for-word and copy her body movements and
speech patterns. That's how "Ann" was developed. I tried to pay the
real Ann 20% of my book royalties and fees from my acting gigs, but
she kept telling me money was 'Satan's green hellfire', and refused
to take it.

Coulter spends part of his free time working on his private
marijuana garden. "The only way I can hang-out with the
conservadumbs for any length of time is to get totally stoned,"
he explained.

ENJOY!!!

"Shake off all the fears of servile prejudices, under which weak minds are
servilely crouched. Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call on her tribunal
for every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the existence of
a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of
reason than that of blindfolded fear." -- Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826)
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