Text 2115, 257 rader
Skriven 2005-06-13 11:37:04 av George Pope (1:153/307.11)
   Kommentar till text 2113 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
Ärende: F unny
==============
On (11 Jun 05) Greg Sears wrote to Cindy Haglund...
 GS>   Are zebras white with black stripes? Or black with white stripes?

Depends if they're males or females, DUH!

 GS>   Can an animal be multi-lingual? And if so, how could we tell?

Ask it in several languages.

 GS>   Can animals be left-handed?

monkeys can (they have hands)
horses not so much.

 GS>   Can elephants learn arithmetic?

Actually, yes, it's been done!

 GS>   Do apes go people when they get excited?

No, they go ape -- where do you think the expression came from?

 GS>   Do Oysters get Bored?  How can you Tell?

Isn't it obvious?

 GS>   Do rabbits make paw shadows of people?

They can't, with only 4 toes.

 GS>   Do woodchucks actually chuck wood? And what is meant by the act of
 GS> chucking wood?

"woodchuck" is the old Ipanema Indian tribe's word for "beaver" and it
refers to "upchuck" (vomiting) up wood that's gone bad. . .

 GS>   How come only female kangaroos have pouches? Don't male kangaroos
 GS> have
 GS> things to carry around too?

Yeah, but only the gay ones want a purse!

 GS>   How come there are no green mammals?

Shoulda seen my Persian cat last St. Patrick's Day!

 GS>   How do squirrels remember where they buried all their nuts?

They wear elephant brand jeans, and know their nuts are in there.

 GS>   How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

They put a sign up!

 GS>   If a man-eating tiger is on the loose, do women and children have
 GS> anything to worry about?

My ex complained to her feminist MP that she wanted to get "eaten", too,
and that the tigers were clearly sexist.

 GS>   If a rabbit doesn't chew will its teeth get so long it will die?

Only if it bites his tongue!

 GS>   If fish live in schools and wolves live in packs, what do humans
 GS> live
 GS> in?

Poverty? No, maybe that's just me.

 GS>   If humans evolved from monkeys does that mean that in the year 3000
 GS> the
 GS> world of tomorrow will be ruled by the chimpanzees of today?

What year 3000?  It's only 2005 last time I checked & the politicians
are making monkeys of all of us!

 GS>   If lemmings follow do followers lem?

Only on Threesdays and Wendsdays.

 GS>   If man evolved from monkeys and apes why do we still have monkeys
 GS> and
 GS> apes?

We didn't evolve from monkeys and apes -- we, AND monkeys & apes,
evolved from a common ancestor -- apes are our cousins, not our
great-great-great-great-great-great-etc-great-great-etc-great-
great-great-great-great-ad-infinitum-great-greatgrandparents!

 GS>   If monkeys are more intelligent than parakeets, why can parakeets
 GS> speak
 GS> but monkeys can't?

Monkeys know that silence is the best proof of wisdom.
Parakeets are too dumb to figure that one out!

"
If man was intended to speak for than we hear
We would've been given 2 mouths & only 1 ear.
"

 GS>   If rabbits feet are so lucky what happened to the rabbit?

Rabbits' feet are only lucky for the kid of the cruel bastard that
amputated the rabbit!

 GS>   Is a laughing hyena a happy hyena?

Fuck no, he's just insane, but doesn't realize it!
Mad, I tell you, MAD!!!!

 GS>   Isn't it true that wild beasts won't harm you if you carry a blazing
 GS> torch (provided you carry it fast enough)?

Yeah, or just attach it to the bumper of your jeep, and away you go!

 GS>   Just what is it that hyenas laugh at?

I'm sorry to have to say it, but you DID ask!
-your ex told them about your pecker!

 GS>   Nature shows on TV say that when two bull moose compete for a lady
 GS> moose, the one with the smaller antlers concedes to the other one. I
 GS> can
 GS> see how a moose can tell the size of his opponent's antlers, but how
 GS> does
 GS> he know how big his own are?

Reflective sunglasses on his opponent.

 GS>   On pet food just what flavor is 'original'?

It's like original sin -- it's APPLE!!!

 GS>   They always tell us that a camel can go 500 miles without water. How
 GS> come nobody has ever bothered to see how far they can go WITH water?

They're still going! (this is why Energizer bought out the Camel
cigarette company!)

 GS>   They say an elephant never forgets but what's he got to remember?

To colour his toenails so he can hide better.

 GS>   They say that rabbits are adept at multiplying, but can they also
 GS> add
 GS> and subtract?

Not with their paws/fingers missing.

 GS>   What animal does naugahide come from?

We don't know -- it's in hiding behind the couch.

 GS>   What are clams so happy about?

They're not as bored as oysters.

 GS>   What do skunks use as a defense against other skunks?

Bad words (in 3 languages)

 GS>   What do they mean, 'If a woodchuck could chuck wood'? What would be
 GS> the
 GS> point in calling it a 'woodchuck' if it can't chuck wood?

It sounds better than calling it a woodvomit.

 GS>   What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an
 GS> endangered plant?

Surf & Turf!

 GS>   What sound does a kangaroo make anyway?

Being they're close cousins to the bullfrog, kind of a croaking noise.
(besides the obvious "boing! boing!")

 GS>   What would a radar scrambler do to a bat?

Think black & red scrambled eggs.

 GS>   When a species is driven to extinction, do they use domestic or
 GS> imported automobiles for the ride?

Usually, yes.

 GS>   When rats leave a sinking ship where exactly do they think they're
 GS> going?

trying to find an iceberg.

 GS>   When referring to neutering of pets how come if it used to work but
 GS> now
 GS> it doesn't we call it being 'fixed'?

Most teverinarians are dyslexic.

 GS>   Where do squirrels go to the bathroom?
 GS>   Where do squirrels go when they go up trees? We can't see them so
 GS> how
 GS> do we know they're there?

I think you answered your own question there, so I don't know why you
felt the need to bother me with it!

 GS>   Why are baby predators cuter than baby harmless creatures?

It's the flavour factor -- a theory I'm working on, that the cuter the
animal, the tastier it is!
(eg. Persian Pussies vs. Cow)

 GS>   Why are pandas always given the same-same name-name twice-twice?

They're not-not, it's just one of the many ways you non-orientals
misunderstand our language's grammatical construct!

 GS>   Why are Polar Bears left-handed?

Cuz they're related to elephants?

 GS>   Why did so many dead animals in the past change into fossils while
 GS> others preferred to change into oil?

see the zebra question. . .
male vs female, my friend!

 GS>   Why do people talk to their pets? Has there ever been a case where
 GS> one
 GS> talks back? If so does the Weekly World News know about this?

Because I don't want the media attention, and neither does my Punkin.

 GS>   Why do some animals have hooves?

Because they're hooved animals?

 GS>   Why is it that many hamsters only blink one eye at a time?

They do?
Why?


Your Moderator and all-round friend/servant,
<+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")
Internet: gapope@vcn.bc.ca
1)If you don't like a joke, post 2-3 examples of what you DO like!
B)If you DO like a joke, say thank-you with 2-3 jokes of your own! :)
My Preferred Netmail address is: 1:153/307.11
ICQ UIN: 32617950

(I am the Bishop of ROM!)


--- PPoint 1.76
 * Origin: Cyberpope pointing via the Milky Way! (1:153/307.11)